Party All the Time

Ah, Eddie's classic hit. This past Friday I had a Christmas party. Generally I think I'm very good at coming up with party activities and how it's all going to unfold. From the music, to food, to the games and events. However, I am absolutely terrible when it comes to organizing the big day. I think this is partially because people do not think I can organize parties or think I'm going to mess it up and it's going to be no fun, so very few people tend to show up. This party wasn't much of an exception, as not as many people as I would have liked showed up. However it was still extremely successful in my opinion, and in the end all the people I really wanted to show up did anyway.

The party wasn't actually my idea. After a night of racquetball, two of my friends decided that I was going to host a wallyball tournament at the club house where I live. The idea was that we would meet for 5:00 Mass, drive to my place, have the tournament and then have dinner and watch a movie at the club house which has a grill/bar, big screen, pool table and comfy couches. But when I went to reserve the court I was told that the employee Christmas party was being held the night I wanted to reserve it and that the club house would be closed. Fortunately, when the lady saw my face drop she took pity and said she would let my group in anyway. So we got the court. But we could not go into the rest of the club house because of the party.

Well that's no so bad, we could just go to my apartment and have dinner and watch the movie. The problem is that one of the guests, Kate, has cerebral palsy and cannot walk so good, let alone climb three flights of stairs. So I came up with a solution. Before Mass I went and got a platter of subs from Subway, then ran off to Meijer for chips and pop and threw it all in my trunk. The idea was that we could go to the club house for the tournament and then if Kate didn't feel up to making the climb to my place, we could go to a handicap accesible dorm on campus I had in mind and simply take over one of the party rooms that has a big screen and have dinner there.

But after Mass, one of the other guests said he would just piggy-back Kate up the stairs. That seemed absoutely insane to me but they were both fine with it so I said alright. If they both didn't mind taking the risk of one of them falling down I'm not going to stop them. It turns out that he also piggy-backed her down those three flights of steps which he practically ran down. That got me a little upset because I felt that was extremely dangerous, but if the two idiots broke their necks I wasn't going to complain. Two less morons for me to put up with. Anyway, we had dinner and watched the movie in my place. In all about 10 people showed up by the time it was all over. About half came and went at different times, so there was a good flow of people. I also chose the movie, and told them I didn't want their clever suggestions. We watched 'Hot Rod' which is halarious and clean. That's something that I want to gripe about. No one trusts me with movies. Like everything I'm going to pick out is either going to be raunchy, or excessively violent or both. But what I find is that when my friends pick out movies, they choose the terrible flicks and everyone ends up miserable. So I forced upon them my own pick, and of course everyone loved it.

Now the part of this party that was successful was that I managed to get the current girl I'm interested in to come over. I keep expecting to have to write up some horrible new ordeal on here the past few weeks but so far, like the party, I've done pretty well. So sorry Gurney for the lack of laughs.

On the Up and Up

In one of my recent posts I talked about a certain online dating service that caught my eye while I was at the library. Apparently nothing gets past their network administrators because they found me! Check out the comment section. I'm not sure what keywords they used in the search, because doing a basic google search on the first 40 pages came up with no links here. However, since I managed to catch their eye, that means I can catch others as well, and as a result I believe I'm entitled to a discount. In other news I did cancel the one site I was subscribing to. It was fun I suppose looking around and sending out e-mails but I think I want to go back to the old-fashioned way. I'd rather be told 'no' for free than spend $20 a month for the same response.

Like Bubble Gum

All too often today I see people trying force their tastes on others. Now you might say I do this too on my Tasteful Thursday articles, but I'm not forcing them on you. It's not like you have to read these articles, and I'm not going to pout if you have a different opinion on the matter. You'd be wrong, but I'm' not going to lose sleep at night over it. Sushi is a good example. Some people like it and I happen to know a few of them. Occasionally they'll suggest we go out to eat and order it. And I'll say I don't like it. Then they'll proclaim their bewilderment that I don't like it and say that I must not have had good sushi before. As if these mid-Westerners are the authority on good and bad sushi. Well I don't know if it qualifies as "good" or not, but I've had it at one of Tokyo's finest and I didn't like it so back off.

But having said that I am still willing to try new dishes. Last night I went out with a group of people for Chinese. We drove 20 minutes to get to the restaurant that according to my Chinese friend is the best in the area. The place on the outside looks like a dive. But do not get me wrong, most of the best restaurants I've been too have absolutely no curbside appeal. It's one of those strip mall Chinese restaurants, but the place was packed noticeably by Asians. Considering we were in the middle of nowhere in farm country, it was pretty impressive seeing such a large collection of Asians in one place. So I was happy to see that this place must be clearly be highly regarded by the very people it caters to.

My friend went up and ordered for us. In China you generally get a lot of different dishes and then share them. He got a bunch of different ones, some mushroom dish, crispy tofu, baby calamari (baby squid), mock chicken rolls (pork instead of chicken hence mock), chicken ribs, beef and basil, crispy fish and maybe more that I cannot remember. Most of the food was pretty tasty. The chicken ribs, beef and basil, and even baby calamari were good. But my problem with Asian food, and especially tofu is the texture. Tofu to me feels like slime in my mouth, and in this country we are generally raised to equate slimy food with food that's gone bad. The calamari did taste good but it was chewy, and chewy meat grosses me out because I've come to associate that with poorly cooked meat like chicken. Plus I really didn't like seeing the little baby legs. The presentation just looked wrong, tasty or not. The beef was tasty too but the problem is that they covered it in a sauce so I had trouble seeing if the quality of the beef was good or not. When I eat out, I like to make sure the chiefs aren't cutting corners. The fish was tasty too but the big problem with that is we weren't anywhere near a place where fish should be coming from.

So in short the taste of the Chinese food we had was quite yummy, but the textures of the dishes were not pleasing to my Americanized familiarities. The idea behind this little adventure is too start up a group that goes out every now and then to try out foreign foods. So far we've got German, Lebanese, and Jordan places in mind.

Floating Cream

When we were little kids this was always the happiest time of the year. We were out of school, and had the snow to tide us over until the new set of toys came. Now it seems to be one of the most depressing times of the year. The sun isn't out so much, the cold makes us want to stay inside, we have to buy everyone presents, and those of us still in school have to deal with finals which also come with little sleep.

The solution to this problem is Root Beer floats. My co-worker and I were discussing this yesterday when he said he wanted to go to Meijer and get some ice-cream to add to the Root Beer I have at work. Some people eat ice-cream when their depressed. Seeing someone eating Rocky Road right from the carton is right up there with drinking alone. And people can drink Root Beer while experiencing any sort of emotions. But Root Beer floats and depression are not compatible. You cannot remain gloomy while drinking a Root Beer float. Just the idea that in the near future you may be having a Root Beer float can cheer you up a bit. So I think that we should adopt a 3:00 Root Beer float time. Let Europe have their hot leaf water.

For more happy news Sarge has had her first baby, Liam. I think that calls for a Root Beer float. That should be today's task for you. In celebration of Liam, go make yourself a Root Beer float tonight. You can also post your Root Beer float ingredients. For example, last night I was feeling rebellous and made one with Jone's Root Beer and Hawaiian Sundae ice-cream. It's coconut ice-cream with pineapple and cashews. The result was a triumph.

Misunderstood Controversy

A while back I wrote about how I was upset with the press for messing up a story on Nancy Pelosi. Well the press is at it again messing up a story on President Obama. This time they are saying that his acceptance speech of the Nobel Peace Prize dealt with the controversy of him receiving a peace prize while leading a nation at war. But this is the first time I've heard anyone say this is the controversy. The real controversy is that he was nominated for the prize 2 weeks after he was elected and still hadn't done anything yet. He won the prize on potential acts. That's the controversy I've been hearing about. And I think it's undefendable. Otherwise I want my Ph.D. in EE right now because I certainly have the potential to get it. Or better yet, give me the Masters of Theology I was supposed to be getting at the end of this year had the school not shut down.

In other news I'm at the library right now. I've pretty much given up on the two online dating sites I look at. I could never get the few people I was interested in to write me back, and I kept getting written to by people I was not interested in. However, I just saw the guy next to me at onlinebootycall.com. Now that has promise.

Stringing up the Lights

Even though today is Monday, I've decided it is Thursday because it's time for another Tasteful Thursday topic, Christmas tree lights. Yesterday I went and got my first Christmas tree. The tree is a live dwarf Aspen. It is Charlie Brown little, but it made transporting easier since there's only one of me, and it's in its own pot which means I can keep it outside on the balcony during the rest of the year. I thought about going fake but they were expensive, already lit, and stupid. I hate it when cat ladies buy fake plants and flowers thinking it makes their house looks better. They don't, and instead of making the place look better they just make it look dirty because they collect dust. "Oh but I can't afford live flowers." Well that doesn't mean you go fake. Stop being a poser buying knockoffs. Either get the real thing or do without.

Now having said that, we come back to Christmas trees. People my age buying fake trees are feeble. Let's put it in words "Hey, I'm a bachelor in my mid-twenties with a fake tree and LED lighting. I'm being energy efficient, saving money in the long run, and guaranteeing that one less tree has to be cut down." "You're also a feeble nancy boy." That would be an at worst response. The most appropriate response would be physical actions.

I got the tree at Lowes, but I couldn't find any lights. Obviously it's not a one stop shop. So I headed over to Meijer. Meijer had these new LED ones. I was interested in them because I know that in addition to the power savings, LEDs last much longer than regular lights. I wanted white lights, because there is nothing classier than a Christmas tree done up right in white lights. Whenever you see one of the truly remarkable trees, they don't have any blinking lights, icicles, or every color of the rainbow twinkling from the branches. I picked up two boxes and went home.

After getting everything in place I plugged in the lights and was disgusted. Looking at the lights was like looking into the sun. It was physically painful. They were too bright, and had that cool bluish tint rather than the warm yellowish one. Essentially my tree was decorated in stupid hillbilly redneck halogen car lights, that do nothing except cause pain and distract. Back to the store I went. I returned them and then headed over to Menards.

Menards had their outdoors looking right. The trees they had lit up were all done properly. White lights with the yellowish tint. So I was hopeful I would be able to find a box in the store. Like Meijer they had a huge selection of LED bulbs. Even more so. But finally at much looking I found a box of old traditionals. I plugged them in at the store, saw they were right and flew home to string them up. The results are below.

Formalisms

Complaining about my birthday would be like complaining about getting free ice-cream. But since I'm picky, I'm going to complain about it anyway. The chief problem was that I did not get to see two of my friends who live here in town at breakfast. Now generally this would not be a big deal, but one of those friends in particular was supposed to go, not because it was my birthday but coincidentally because I was going to ask her to a dance. The dance is a formal attire shin-dig and is invitation only. I happened to be given an invitation by one of the people who is hosting the event. Last year I was also invited to this dance, and even had a date, some one I had been wanting to take to this dance for the past 5 years but never got a chance to (the dance is a rather old annual winter tradition). But just a few days before the event my date decided she did not want to go with me and I ended up not going at all. So this year, I had higher hopes because the girl I was going to ask out at that breakfast always wanted to go but never had anyone ask her before.

Because it is a formal event, I was going to ask her in person sometime during the breakfast. This was right before everyone was leaving for Turkey break so I wanted to be sure and do it before we all left. But she didn't go to breakfast. I thought about waiting until this week (the dance is this Friday), but then thought that I should ask her while she was at home so that while she was home she could pick up a dress if she didn't already have one here. That was a small trivial part to why last year's date decided not to go. Her claim was she didn't have a good dress. And while this was more a convenient excuse for her to get around saying any real reason, I did not want to mess up this year's dance as well. So on Saturday I gave newbie a buzz to ask her. I felt calling someone up is still preferable to e-mail or even worse yet texting.

As I've mentioned in the past, I'm not very good at remaining calm when I approach girls. When I called I do not think it could have been at a worse time. It seemed that precisely at that moment, right then, her sister had won All American. Now I have no clue what this is, some sports thing I guess, but everyone was making a huge fuss about it in the background. So I pretended to be happy for her sister, although my nerves were already running high and all I wanted to do was get to the point of why I was calling and then get off the phone. After all the fuss, she finally realized I must have had some reason for calling and asked what I wanted. Then I got to ask her if she'd like to go the dance with me. And miracle of miracles she got excited and shouted out "Wow! I've never been asked to go to this dance before! And now in less than a day I've gotten two invitations." "What?" "Yeah, I got e-mailed yesterday from a guy asking if he could take me."

At this point I tried to explain to her that whoever it was that e-mailed her was a coward who needed to grow a pair. But as I said, her sister had just won All American and she needed to get off the phone.

I'm not going to the dance. Instead I'm going up to Chicago. There's going to be an alumni dinner there on the top floor of one of the tall buildings (obviously I'm not from Chicago). The dinner is for those of us who were affiliated with the Newman Center on campus when we were undergrads, so I should get to see a lot of old faces. And I get to ride up and back with two of the priests so that should be fun. Okay, this paragraph doesn't really belong with this post but if after I go up I want to talk about it, I wanted to give myself a good segway.

A few days later, after I made that phone call, I got another call from a friend of mine who did get a date for this dance. So I congratulated him for manning up to ask a girl out. He said he text messaged her. I was at work when I got this call, but that did not stop me from screaming at him for being a gut-less wonder. You do not, e-mail, text, or facebook a girl to a formal dance. It is just not done. You grow a pair and ask her out in person. Speaking of which, the girls are also partially to blame for putting up with these pathetic proposals. Then after I calmed down a bit, I asked him who the lucky girl is that he's taking. Her name is Maggie.

Let Him Eat Cake

When talking with my parents, I have found they do not always get when I am joking around. I can't really fault them, they're just trying to look out for their little boy, but sometimes they take my failed attempts at humor a little too far. Two Fridays ago was my birthday. It just so happened this year that my birthday fell on the day that most people around here venture back home for Thanksgiving. So when my Dad called me earlier in the week and asked what I was going to be doing, he thought I really meant that I was going to "cry myself to sleep." That was just my way of saying no one was going to be around. I was going to be alone yes, but not necessarily lonely; I'm very good at keeping myself entertained. Well that Friday morning I got a call from Dad saying that he and Mom were going to be at my apartment at quarter to four. They were already in Cincinnati at 9 in the morning, house hunting (upcoming post), and they had their bags packed and my presents in the trunk. So I had to assure them that I was not going to be crying myself to sleep and that there really was no need for them to come since I was heading over there in less than a week anyway for Turkey Day. And as it turned out, one of my friends did stick around long enough Friday night to take me out for dinner, so things turned out pretty good after all.

Also earlier that week, again while I was talking to Dad, I told him in a mocking anger sort of way that I was extremely displeased that Mom did not send me a cake this year. The past few years Mom has been sending me cakes. Typically they are angel food cakes (maybe you'd call them sponge cakes), but last year she managed to send me a vanilla cake that was frosted. These cakes are usually just exceptionally large cupcakes, since I'm the only one around to celebrate, but I think it's sort of comically absurd that Mom actually bakes and sends me a cake through the regular mail. But Dad not catching my mock anger, was concerned that I was going to be sad at not having any cake this year. So Mom got onto Craigslist and found a lady here in town who makes cakes from scratch, and had that lady make me one. When I came home from work Friday night I found the security gate where I live had this giant cake sitting for me. The thing about it was that the lady didn't wrap it. She just sat the cake on a big dish and gave it to the security officer. The cake was impressively large, it was double layer about 4 or 5 inches tall and 9 inches in diameter. It wasn't so tasty as Mom's cakes, which are fantastic although I may be a bit biased, but it was still very good. I've got a picture of it below.

In the end my birthday did turn out to be very good. I got to see a bunch of friends and ate very well all day long. There were a few problems, in particular I did not get one of the presents I wanted, but I want to save that for an upcoming post. Speaking of which, I have a number of posts I want to write up, but I keep having to set them aside for other more pressing matters. Hopefully this upcoming month will have a better showing than this past one.

Loss of the Majestic Mountains Versus Death

Recently the United States Preventative Services Task Force made some new recommendations regarding the screening for breast cancer. The new recommendations say that woman 50 and older should receive a mammogram every 2 years, which is a change from the old recommendation of every year for woman 40 and older. In addition they now recommendation that self-examination should no longer be educated. The reasoning is that "there is moderate or high certainty that the service has no net benefit or that the harms outweigh the benefits. "

I am no doctor, so my thoughts have little weight, but these new recommendations sound awful. From what I can gather, these recommendations are based on the idea that the associated risk of these procedures outweighs the potential benefits. But the only risk I know of that comes with a mammogram or self-examination is a false positive. There's no real detrimental health side-effect going on. You just find out that you actually don't have a deathly disease. So maybe there's a few weeks of anxiety, at worst the woman just decides to lop them off.

Since I first saw the posting, there's been an update which says that woman between 40 and 49 may warrant mammogram studies based upon family history and some other factors. Essentially it's a case-by-case basis.

But I'm not convinced even the old recommendations were good enough. My Mom got breast cancer in her early thirties with no family history. In fact, when she got it she was the first on either side of the family to have cancer and some members of the family put the blame on her. Anyway the first time Mom got it, it was diagnosed by a physical examination during a routine checkup. She then had some x-rays taken but they didn't show anything (remember this was early 90s). Wanting a second opinion she went to a different doctor who said the x-rays are worthless and he performed some sort of needle test on her. That confirmed it. Then a few years later, now we're probably in her early forties, her yearly mammogram found the beginnings of some new tumor growth. At this point she decided to just get rid of them. This was because the first round of treatments was quite awful for her. She blames the chemotherapy on memory loss, and the rest of her treatments on a permanent soreness in her right arm. Even today, almost 20 years later, we aren't supposed to touch Mom's right side. Although she has noticed that recently some of her lost memories will bubble up out of the blue. She can remember more events from her childhood.

So my point is that Mom got breast cancer twice, with no previously known family history or dispositions to it. And it was diagnosed by the very procedures, physical examination and mammograms, that the doctors are recommending against. Before she got cancer she was the definition of health. Probably the worst thing she consumed was coffee with 'Sweet and Low' (saccharin was the sweetener back then). If these doctors who made these new recommendations had been around back then, I could very well have a dead Mom. Alright there's always an exception to the rule, and maybe my Mom was that exception, but if the risk involved is simply a false positive I just simply cannot understand their reasoning that a false positive which at worst leads to surfboard outweighs the benefit of a positive reading which definitely leads to death. To me that sounds like a 15 year old. "Us doctors feel that you'd be better off dying than having to go through life without your breasts."

Potential Donor

Here's a quick story from the retreat. On Saturday night during the reunion, Monsignor made a beeline for me. He said "Hi Greg." Right away I was surprised because I didn't think he knew me other than my face. We had chit-chatted here and there in the past and he's certainly seen me in Confession plenty of times, but I didn't think he knew my name. Anyway, he comes running up saying hello, and then he says "I didn't know you own a Jag." So I explained to him that yes, I've had it now for about 7 months, it's a 2000 and has just over 100,000 miles on it. He said he was driving by and couldn't believe someone at the reunion would have one. So he wrote down the license plate and called up his police buddy to run the plate. And sure enough the officer said it belongs to me. Monsignor said he was hoping the owner was a multi-millionaire, to which I replied it's a work in progress. It was sort of cute, him hoping I'm some potential big donor.

Chatty Cathy

This past weekend was the Koinonia retreat. We had 25 participants and I think it went well. I didn't blunder through my talk which was good, and I was even asked to speak again tomorrow night at Mass. If you'd like to read my talk I've got it posted here. The intro is a bit specific to the retreat but after that it stands by itself. Since the retreat I've been a bit busy with different activities, but I will be trying to update more frequently. Unfortunately I don't have any good stories to tell at the moment. Still if you read all the way through the talk that will give you plenty enough of me for the time-being.

Niceness has its perks

Last night a friend and I drove over to Kankakee to meet up with a lady, I've never met before, in a parking lot at 'Baker's Square' who had 65 sausages for us.

I could explain all that but it's far more interesting sounding to just leave it at that. Anyway while I was there, my friend who I drove up with had to use the restroom and we went on into the restaurant. During the time she was tinkling I talked to the staff, got a Diet Coke (so much better tasting than regular Coke) and looked at all the pies they had on display. Baker's Square is a pie joint and they had all sorts of pies behind a glass counter. When she came out from the restroom we made to leave. But as we were walking out the door the Assistant Manager called us back into the restaurant. He said he wanted to give us something. And he goes into this big refrigerator and pulls out two pies, a chocolate silk and a french apple. He said that they were getting ready to close soon and these pies would just be thrown away tomorrow and he wanted to give them to us since we looked like nice people! I wondered if I had anything to do with that. I had been looking at those pies pretty intently and he might have had some sympathy for me thinking I really wanted one. In reality I was just really curious about the pie types and ingredients being used. I get it from my Mom, the bakery queen. Interestingly while I was looking at all those pies I had been thinking about what happens to them at the end of the day. Now I know. They give them away to nice looking people.

One of Two Certainties

The state of Illinois has apparently not heard of my sensationalism. I am okay with this simply because I want them to be focused on what my taxes pay its workers to do. Nevertheless, had they heard of my greatness and how I never make mistakes they would not have chosen to audit me and send me a $350 bill for mis-representing my income by $9,000 back in 2007.

In 2007 I resided in Colorado and Illinois and I had made income in both states, $9,000 of which was made in Colorado. So I called up the state revenue department and calmly explained to them that I don't make mistakes and that it was their problem. Unfortunately, they didn't believe me and told me that I have to fill out an amended 1040 form and show proof that I paid my Colorado income tax by way of tax return. They said the problem is that the income on my federal tax return does not match the income on my state tax return. Oh well, I can't blame them for double checking, the state needs every penny it can get right now.

Speaking of paying for things, as you may know the health care reform passed in the House on Saturday. Now in general I am completely for a universal health care system. Even for the prats who don't deserve it, because I feel even they as all humans have a fundamental right to have access to health care services. But I'm still a bit disappointed, this time it lies with the media. The press has been calmouring on and on about how this is a great victory for Nancy Pelosi. In today's Chicago Tribune, one of the writers gave her a half page spread about how she had to compromise her desires on the bill in order to get enough votes and how wonderful she was to do so. In particular the article brought up the issue of federally funding abortion. Now, if you've read this blog you know what my thoughts are on this matter, so I won't get into them here. My point is that this article praises Pelosi for meeting with the US Bishops, and even went so far as to call a Cardinal over in Rome just to be sure that the language was fashioned in a way that would receive the Catholic Church's blessing. There's two things about this that bug me. First off, and this is Pelosi's problem here, she has no business consulting with foreigners about US policy. I don't care who she's talking to, we've got plenty enough Cardinals overhere to keep her busy. If she want's to have her own spiritual direction with foreigners, that's one thing, but let's keep American politics in America. The second thing, and the point that really bugs me, lies with the article praising her for reaching across the table like this. The Stupak amendment passed on Saturday, banning abortions to be federally funded excepting in a few cases and covers some other matters, but Pelosi didn't vote for it. This is the amendment that is supposed to address federally funding abortion and she said 'no' on the matter. So in reality she didn't compromise any of her views on the matter at all. The press is putting her on a pedestal when she did nothing at all, and that bothers me. It's not Pelosi's fault, it's the press's for making her out to be something she's not, in this case an angel sent from on high.

100

Here we are at the 100th post. What a momentous occasion for you. Having read every post you be should well grown in cultural taste and class, and find your wit sharper, actions wiser, demeanor more charming, faith deepened, and general awesomeness increased. Indeed, these posts have touched upon all aspects of the human condition, and have brought us tears, laughter, happiness and joy. But after 5 months of so much amazingness, here may be a good time to reflect on the highlights. Now I could let you choose them, but since I'm sensational and you're still growing, I'll save you the effort and choose them for you.

1.) Contacts and Crushes: In this post we have a testimonial regarding the physiological nature of man. Aristotle's emphasis on the relation between structure and function is proven relevant. In this case the physical structure of man is shown to have an effect on his function.

2.) Unkempt Underarms: Continuing on with the physiological nature of man, this post explores the effect of structure on the functions of other structures.

3.) Flap in Front or Back: This post stresses the need for finding humor in life's most dire situations. Life can be scary but with the proper perspective amusement can still be found and spirits lifted.

4.) Unofficial: A controversial posting, this time function is shown to effect structure in unpredicted ways.

5.) Me 25 Years From Now: In today's society rarely does the topic of our mortality come up. Well okay, I guess with the health coverage bill in the works people may be thinking about this more than usual. This post calls us to reflect on this theme, and the ever ticking clock.

6.) Annoying Even at Night: Certainly the most commented post, here we find a debate pertaining to the differences between admonishment and judgement, and the ways in which both empathy and sympathy direct our actions and whether or not those emotional responses to others are always appropriate.

7.) Billy Preston > Billy Ray Cyrus: A well received lesson in the importance of having a diverse musical background.

8.) Dessert Drink That Isn't A Shake: An eye-opening experience into the finer side of dessert dining. But even still, I think I'll always prefer ice-cream over pastries.

9.) Squirrel Nests: Another well received post, and the meeting of my parents which is always a highlight. After all these are the people responsible for me being me.

10.) Pepperoni Face: This last highlight is not necessarily my favorite. Certainly the memories are not fond ones. Here no real lesson is being taught, aside from the benefits of copious amounts of sun-screen, but it was still well received.

And there you go. Thanks for reading, I hope the next 100 will be just as much fun.

Questionable Paintings

Last week I was given two months of work full time. That news was very fortunate, however I will not be going on vacation anywhere now. And while I am quite happy to have work, I was also looking forward to the trips I was thinking about, so now I need to buy some happiness. This time I've been relooking at art.

Back in middle school one of the artists I liked was James Christensen. At that point in time he had just released his first book called Voyage of the Basset. I remember seeing his art crop up here and there. I used to get a jigsaw puzzle catalog and some of his works were in there, I even ended up getting one. And there was a mall in Cleveland where I remember seeing several of his porcelain figurines in one of the art galleries. And then Fr. Franks had the book itself on his desk, and since all of kids pretty much adored Fr. Franks whatever he was interested in automatically made us interested.

The art itself is varied. Sometimes he goes classical Renaissance and other times he is more fantasy oriented. I tend to like his fantasy oriented work, although in general I do not like the fantasty genre. Yesterday I called up Brittany to ask if she had heard of him before but she hadn't. But also apparently Mom had called her to tell her about this artist. Mom must not have given Brittany a good impression because the conversation went like this. "You need to grow a pair and get man art. Hang up some naked ladies." "The art I have up is fine." "I'm going to get you a bunch of Playboys." "First off we don't talk about Playboys (same reason we don't talk about Bob Evans), and second off I wouldn't know what to do with them." "Fine, I'll get you Maxims, they're classier anyway, and you put them in your bathroom of course." "What's wrong with what I want?" "You aren't going to put up art with a bunch of fairies flying around." "Oh, I never thought of it like that. I don't think of these things." "You need more 'Machette', just think of what he would do and do that." "Well he balances things out." "No stop with the balancing." "I think people just need to warm up to it." "People should not have to warm up to your homosexuality." “You’re right. Good points, I won’t get the art.” But this morning I decided to show her three samples of the artist. She wrote me back and said that she actually liked them and had no problem with them. And that’s what happens when people doubt me. Mom apparently gave her a bad impression based on a vocal description of the art, but doubting my taste is just bad form.

Grooming Not Cleaning

Rare are the days when I call my friends from back home. Generally I call for two reasons, the first is when I am home and want to see whose around, and the second is when I have a question for someone "in the know". Last night I was tinkering with the idea of increasing the RPMs of my car when it's at idle. The idea is that in doing so it will increase the oil pressure slightly. Right now when the car is warm the oil pressure is too low when it's sitting idle, but the moment I so much as touch the gas the pressure goes to safer levels. So I think one quick solution would be to just twitch the RPMs up. But as I know nothing of increasing the RPMs and the effects that could have on the rest of the engine I decided to call one of those "in the know" friends of mine, Peter.

The last time I spoke with Peter was when I bought the car. Like now, I had some questions for him regarding the car. So it's been a few months. Usually during these conversations it's all business because either he or I am too busy to chit-chat. But last night he just wanted to talk and talk. Which was fine, as it has been probably well over a year or two or three (time flies so I never know how long these things are) since I had any sort of real conversation with him. Currently he is the lead and only mechanic for a scooter store. It's just him and the owner. The business is selling scooters and repairing any sort of motorized bike. For awhile, with the high gas prices, the business was booming but now that things are back to normal business has slowed by 10 fold. Now that I think about it, with the economy in the state it is maybe the scooter business should be doing fairly well, but anyway apparently it's not. So he's doing that, and he is hoping that the business will get over this hump and soon he will be sitting hot as a sort of partner with the owner.

He also wanted to talk about my feelings about President Obama thus far. I didn't comment much, but said that I did think he should not have been awarded Noble Peace prize. Peter tried to argue that his being elected President was a huge moment for both the United States and the world. And I completely agree, however it is not right to give someone the Noble prize simply because they got elected. Peter conceded that point and then argued that Obama has so much potential and desire to bring about wonderful changes. To this I argued that I should have a Ph.D issued to me because I have the potential and desire to get one. He dropped the issue, and then decided to talk about stem cell research which turned our discussion to necrophilia. I do not know why I get myself into these conversations but it was nice talking with him because there was an air of mutual respect for the two views being presented. Oftentimes with these issues emotions start to stir.

Finally, the last thing I'm telling you of our conversation but the first thing he told me, is that he has proposed to his girlfriend of several years now and she said yes. His wedding is planned for September 4th, and he wants me to be one of the men of honor. I don't get to go to weddings often, and have never been in the honorable party listings before so I'm unsure if I'm getting the term right, but I'm supposed to be standing up there with him when he says his vows.

Anyway, congratulations go to Peter for his happy news.

Not Myself

Last year an exorcist came to give a talk, and this past Monday he came back. This time the event was widely publicized and was held at one of the largest auditoriums we have on campus. And like last year, this event was again short on seats. Probably 5 - 600 people showed up. The priest was asked to talk for 30 minutes and then fielded 90 minutes of questions from the audience.

The priest, Fr. Lampert is from Indiana where he is responsible for his own 1200 family member parish. The role of exorcist is his side job which was appointed to him by the Bishop of his diocese. He is quick to note that he was not asked to take this position, he was basically told to go to Rome and get training. There are 12 officially trained exorcists in the country, up from 1 back in the eighties. When he came on stage the first thing he asked is whether or not he was what we the audience were expecting. That maybe we were thinking he'd be a little old man with a long beard dressed in a black suit and wearing a top hat. Instead he's about as ordinary as you'd expect, middle-aged and balding. But right away his sense of humor and ability to interact with young people is noticeable.

As an exorcist he gets about 5 to 6 calls a week. Mostly from mothers who believe their daughter is possessed. The number of genuine cases is exceptionally low. In order to be called a genuine possession the possessed has to undergo a battery of tests setup by Fr. Lampert, the first being studied by a panel of mental health experts, and other various therapists and doctors. If this panel reports back to him that the person in question has symptoms beyond their explanation then he will meet the person and perform his own tests. There were two that he mentioned to us. The first is just simply looking at the person. In general, truly possessed people will not look him in the eye. And when they do he says he can see the evil. He tried to explain this with old saying that the eyes are the window to a person's soul. He described looking into the eyes of someone truly possessed is like looking directly into the face of evil. It's unmistakable.

The second test he mentioned is that he will hide the Eucharist somewhere on him or in his office. Nearly always, someone truly possessed will completely flip out when they get close to the Eucharist. And he will randomly change the times and locations that he performs the test.

There are a few other signs he looks for as well. The ability to talk in unknown languages is not just Hollywood. Typically the languages are ancient Greek and Latin and Hebrew. Supernatural strength is another sign. The inability to remember what was going on when the evil was manifesting is important. And the last is an inexplicable aversion to the sacred (like the Eucharist test I mentioned). This also includes crosses, holy water, and Churches.

An exorcism is typically a very long process spanning weeks and in a few cases many months. Like the angels, demons too have ranks and the greater the rank the greater the difficulty and time required. A part of the process is to get the demon's name. This is because knowing someone's name has a bit of power. If I say "Hey" you may not turn around. If I say "Hey Gurney", she may still not turn around (because she's like that) but it's going to get her attention nevertheless. One of the freakier cases he mentioned was a story he heard from his mentor when he was training in Italy. His mentor had been doing this for over twenty years. One time he was doing an exorcism that was taking many months and he just could not get the demon to tell its name. So finally he asked "Are you Lucifer?" And the demon responded "I do not go by that name anymore because it was given to me by Him who I hate." Fr. Lampert mentioned this last year as well, but this year I decided to ask if the demon, Satan I guess, gave the new name he goes by. Fr. Lampert said no, his mentor never did get the name, but the exorcism was successful. He also mentioned that we couldn't necessarily trust it anyway. The devil is the prince of lies after all. I've decided to give him the name Norbert.

Another thing Fr. Lampert mentioned, which was last year, was that the demons will curse everyone and know a lot. They will know everything about you, and they will say anything terrible about Jesus the saints or people you know. The reason they do this is because they really are just that hateful and secondly they are trying to distract you and scare you away. If they can scare you away then they can just keep doing whatever it is they are doing. But even though they seem to curse everyone including Jesus he said he has never heard of and has never encountered a demon that said anything even remotely negative about Mary. So last year I asked him why was this the case? Is Jesus just a Momma's boy? And he said "Yes let's go with that. You just do not mess with Jesus' Mommy." One of my friends was a bit disappointed in that answer, he was hoping for something with more theological merit trying to play off Mary as the theotokos but I didn't find much weight with that argument. For me I like the simpler idea that Jesus just doesn't like attacks on His Mom.

One of the craziest things Fr. Lampert witnessed was again when he was mentoring in Italy. It was him and the old priest. He was watching in the background, saying some prayers and the old priest was actually performing the exorcism standing next to a lady who was sitting down in a chair. At one point during the exorcism the lady started levitating and rose about a foot off the ground in that seated position. Fr. Lampert about had a heart attack, he said he would never have believed that possible without witnessing it himself. The old priest didn't even bat an eye. He just put his hand on the woman's shoulder and pushed her back down into the chair all the while continuing on with the prayers.

Because the audience had a much more diverse religious background this time around, Fr. Lampert had several logistical questions brought up that he addressed. For example, the Catholic priests do not have a monopoly on performing exorcisms. Rather we believe we have an exorcism rite which is successful when properly performed. That does not mean other religions cannot perform successful exorcisms or even that they will be somehow less effective (if the demon departs that's pretty effective). Anyone who is legitimately possessed can receive an exorcism from a Catholic priest so long as they are willing to have one performed. And he mentioned that he did one once for a Muslim who came to him. And speaking of which, he also pointed out that demons do not attack only Catholics.

The people generally possessed have little to no faith whatsoever and/or were doing something or were around someone doing something really stupid. Typically things like Ougi boards, tarot cards, witchcraft, animal sacrifices, or other similar activities will promote possessions to take place. This is not always the case, but the majority of the time this is what happens. It's not like you're just walking down the street and all of a sudden a demon hops into you. And possession is not contagious. You don't get possessed if someone who is possessed sneezes on you.

There are other forms of demonic activity. One for example is when demons physically attack people. Unlike possessions which are typically reserved for those with nearly no faith, physical attacks are used on the most devout. The idea is that the physical attacks are used to hopefully prevent the person from carrying out some special duty. Like if Fr. Lampert were physically attacked in the hopes that it would prevent him from performing exorcisms. People who are physically attacked will usually display miraculous wounds like scratches or bruises that appear out of no where. When asked if he has ever actually seen a demon, Fr. Lampert said he has not and that it may be another Hollywood myth. Theologically speaking it would seem unlikely for a human to visibly see a demon or an angel as they are spirits not physically possessing bodies as we do. Not impossible, there are cases of this in the Bible, just very unlikely.

Sleepover

On Saturday night, two guys I know came into town and needed a place to stay so I offered them my place. Both guys are very nice, and did their best to not make messes. Nevertheless I tend to be a bit of a germaphobe, or at least clean-aholic. It's not so much when it's just me, but more when I'm around others. For example, I am okay with my own messes, like say dirty dishes, but I don't want to see other people's dirty dishes. Because of these quirks, which I'm told many people tend to feel the same about, I try to get my place clean when I know people are coming. And I try to do cleaning that I would otherwise not do. For example, if my parents are coming, I'll wash my bed sheets. I know if I were sleeping in someone else's bed I would want those sheets clean. It's not like I soil them or what not, but still I'm sure my parents appreciate having freshly cleaned sheets. Or maybe I'll spend a bit more time cleaning the toliet or shower.

These guys come over, and like I said they did their best to be plesant and tidy. But I must have been in a sour mood this weekend, because it seemed like every little thing they did set me off. Like the personality of one of the guys just annoyed me to no end. Several times I found myself needing to pause for a few moments to keep my temper in check. I kept telling myself, he's trying to be plesant, nothing he's doing should be getting me so upset, but oh man was he getting on my nerves. I think we all know people like that, who may be extremely nice but for some reason their personality does not go well with our own. In my case this guy was driving me nuts.

And again they tried to be very clean. I noticed that my shower was absolutely spotless after they used it. Like beyond even what I would call clean. I saw no hair in the tub, and I looked. They even cleaned out the drain. Although I think they just flushed whatever may have been in the drain down because I didn't see any wet hair in my waste basket. I mention that only because I worry about the potential clogging that could occur. Nevertheless the shower was spotless. The toliet was in pretty good shape, but I still sterlized it anyway. What I did notice was the sink area. The mirror was covered in water stains. Like if I didn't know better I would say they tried to dry their hands on my mirror. It was so bad you'd think they would have had to try to accomplish what they did. And the thing is I have a hand towel right there. If you make a mess and splash a bit on the mirror, which I myself will be the first to admit to doing, just take the hand towel and dry off the splashes. No big deal. The other thing I took note of was the smell. That morning when I woke up the smell of these two was suffocating. I didn't notice it at first. It wasn't until I went outside and then came back in that I became overwhelmed. Right away I threw the windows open, but claimed it was merely too hot. One of the guys did not cover his mouth when he coughed, and when I told him to do so he actually tried to justify it saying it was a dry cough. When we cough we cover our mouths. This isn't a point open for debate.

Finally, and probably my biggest gripe was that they slept on my couch and more gripingly my recliner. The couch I can understand. It's very comfortable, that's why I bought it. The recliner though is a recliner. You sit in recliner, maybe dose off for a quick nap. But they aren't meant for a full night's sleep. They aren't made for that, and you're gonig to wake up sore. So I asked them why they slept on them. The couch as comfortable as it may be, is just so cushiony that it's likely to kill your back, and I've already mentioned the problems with the recliner. I argued to them that the floor in all likely hood would have been the better choice. And it's not like I don't have thick carpeting. For a long while I slept on the floor in that apartment because my air mattress had holes, but that is an article for another tasteful Thursday. But really my gripe was that those two pieces of furniture are leather. If you aren't familiar with leather, the big problem with it is that skin destroys it. The oils from our skin just ruin it. And you can get the impression of this first hand because you will probably notice if you have any exposed skin that it will start to stick to the leather after a very short period of time. Now keep it there for a full night. Take a tip from the ladies man, making out on a leather couch is downright silly. Put a blanket down or something. I don't mind so much if a girl sleeps on my couch and recliner, just because I tend to equate girls with cleanliness and they seem to use pillows and blankets more than the guys I have over. Although I do not appreciate when girls fail to wash to makeup off properly before they lay their head down for the night. That stuff gets everywhere. No, I'm not speaking to any of my girl readers I know of. I just know of some girls who don't always wash their faces before bed at night. Anyway, the reason for the gripe is that I don't want that leather getting ruined by anyone older than 7 years old. I'll make exceptions for kids because they are kids, and it's just a couch and recliner, they aren't exactly important. But not 20-some year olds who should know better. So I took the time to use my cleaners afterwards.

The thing is these guys are both nice and they were clean. The little things I mentioned can and do happen to everyone and I'm only pointing them out just because I wanted something to blog about. Nevertheless, I was grossed out, to a very small degree to be sure (okay I found the coughing issue to be quite nasty), twice and it made we wonder about that fundamental question. These guys both have/had girlfriends, I must be doing something very wrong.

Needing Noise

This past weekend I played chauffeur Joe, by driving a bunch of students to and from a retreat they were attending. I didn't attend the retreat myself, I just volunteered to help drive people to and from. In all I made 5 of these trips. The first trip out one of the students asked if I could put some tunes on. And of course I turned on the radio. Actually I had just made a new mix tape earlier that day and I was eager to listen to it. And since I have sensational taste, the students very much enjoyed it too. Well there were some songs they did not like, and then I had to scream at them but in all it was a good time. Then the next day I was driving some more students and again I was asked if I could put some tunes on. This second request gave me some pause and is the subject of this post.

Notice that word 'tunes'. Both people asked me to play some 'tunes'. Not music, the radio, melodies or whatever other words one uses to describe music, but 'tunes'. I could be wrong but the odds of two people using that same word, which I don't think is a very common word used to describe music compared to all the other phrases one could use, seems awfully low. And that got me thinking about today's youth. To me this was an indication of this near addiction young people have to needing music or some sort of background noise at all times. You see it everywhere, people walking around with those buds stuck in their ears. In my case, we were not on the road for a minute before the requests for the music came in. Now, not everyone is like this. Of the other 3 trips, only 1 requested music but it was at least a few minutes out. It's not like we had just got into the car and the need for music arose. And we can't say that they wanted the music so soon because of a lack of conversation. Quite the opposite, the students I drove gabbed on and on the whole time.

For me, I do like playing music while I'm at work. Sometimes I turn it on just to get rid of the noise of the other workers. Other times I do find it helps me concentrate, especially if there really is no other sort of noise present, like in a really quiet library. But then there are times when I get so completely absorbed in my work or studies that I completely tune out everything to the point where I won't even respond if my name is called, or where I really do want the complete quiet. I generally find all addictions troubling. Maybe this apparent need for music that the students seemed to be craving was just my perspective on the situation but at the same time I wouldn't be surprised if many of these earbud wearing types really have developed a 'need' for constant noise.

Dog Day

Today is tasteful Thursday. It has been a few weeks since I've educated you on the finer things in life, but I'm still not satisfied with the complete lack of well roundedness I'm finding with today's youth. And I live in a college town! Today I want to talk about the soft coated Wheaten Terrier.

When I was in Kiawah my Mom and I met a guy who had two of them. They were almost as fantastic as basset hounds. Almost. These two dogs were terrific. Both were girls, the oldest one being the other's Aunt. Like stupid cats, terriers, which were bred for doing nasty things, are not known for having great temperments. However the soft haired Wheaten terrier is the exception. I think it's because being so soft puts them in a good mood. The two I met wanted nothing more than to petted. They didn't bark, or snarl. They just walked up and waited for you to say 'Hello'. But then they got excited and decided they wanted to lick us. It was a testament to just how fantastic these dogs really were because Mom had no problem with getting on her knees and giving them huge hugs. Wheatens also do not shed. They do lose hair, but its similar to how humans lose it. Just a little here and there throughout the day. And they are hypoallergenic so you really have no excuse not to get one.

Wheatens get to be a good size but not overbearingly so. A toddler could probably ride one like a horse, but that's about it. The ones I met came somewhere between my knee and waist. Unfortunately the google images do not do these dogs justice. The picture above is pretty good, but the ones I met had hair with a slightly more golden tinge to it. That one looks like a blond. I didn't think about it then, but even though the two were girls, the owner had them cut with that goatee looking Irish cut. At first I thought I was looking at a Schnauzer. Speaking of which these are the best looking of the terrier group. The other terriers either look to primpy (for pre-teen girls and old ladies) or mangy (for hunters). But even though they look the best they aren't all pompous like the poodles.

Death by TomatoEs

The human body is a frail thing. My sister has not yet received confirmation of kidney stones. However, she did have a bout of e-coli and a bladder infection. The doctors think that the bladder infection may have led kidney stones because she dawdled too long in getting it looked at. Apparently kidney stones the result of bladder infections tend to be bigger than other ones, and usually require surgical procedures to remove. I was under the impression that the doctors just blast them to smithereens with lasers, and then they pass on out. Anyway, she got a CAT scan today that should hopefully be illuminating (ha, I'm witty). Speaking of which when I was in the eigth grade I did a science fair project to determine if dandelion root could inhibit the growth of e-coli better than commonly prescribed antibotics like penecilin and tetracycline. The answer was mixed. Those capsules you buy at the health food store didn't do a thing. The capsules contain dry dandelion root. For those cases the e-coli took over. But if you use fresh dandelion root (which I grew for my experiment), right from the ground, it completely obliterated the e-coli. Only tetracycline showed as much promise.

Now my Mom on the other hand continues to shock-and-awe with her number of problems. She just won't quit, I can't tell you how many exotic diseases she's had in the past. Like the double dose of cancer was barely worth noticing. Right now each of her feet has a separate problem associated with them. Something to do with the joints that occurs from overuse. The thing is the two problems are different. Having the same problem in both feet would be too easy for Mom. Just recently she also sprained a muscle in her chest somehow. Not really sure how that happened. One day she's has the incredibly intense chest pain, goes to the doctor, and they say she's pulled a muscle. Nevertheless she just got a "thorough" physical and stress test performed. For the first time in my conscious life her blood work came out normal. There were no elevated or delevated levels. That alone was worrying. For Mom to be normal means something is going wrong. And not too surprisingly she passed her stress test in spades. They had her walk on a tread mill set to an up hill terrain. The point is for her to get her heart rate up to over 120 beats/minute and her usual at rest beat is 60. The doctors say two minutes is bad. Mom went for 10 at a jog. The doctors asked her if she works out. She doesn't. She just doesn't stop working or moving until her body drops her dead late in the evening. But even still, next week she was asked to go see the city's heart doctor. That's a bit worrying. And of course those idiot doctors don't give any indications as to why such an appointment is necessary. They should start the conversation with "there is no cause for alarm". Clearly there is a cause for concern or she wouldn't have to go in the first place. It's not like you make an appointment with a cardiologist just to have him give you a gold star. Oh, and I almost forgot. The other day she was in the ktichen drying a bowl. But she wanted to reach for something with one her right hand. Thinking the wet bowl might slip if she only held it with one hand she grabbed a towl to get a better grip on it. So holding it tight with the towl in her left hand she grabbed whatever it was she wanted with her right. But as she was doing this she felt an intense pain in her middle finger on her left hand. At first she thought she broke it, but the finger appeared fine. Then she figured the pain would go away eventually. A few hours later she looked down at that finger and found it to be black-and-blue. She managed to significantly bruise her finger from doing nothing more than keeping a tight grip on a bowl! So please keep both these two, Mom and sis, in your prayers.

Yesterday I made spaghetti sauce. It came out much better than the last batch I made. The chief problem this time is that I found out I'm not a big fan of Rosemary. It's a bit too strong which tends to masks the other flavors and I'm just not too keen on the taste of it. I added it because I thought it sounded like a sophisticated ingredient and read that it does go with tomato sauces. I've been bottling my sauce in a previously used Ragu glass jar. But while I have been rinsing out this glass jar I haven't really been doing anything other than pouring some water into it, shaking it around some, and then pouring it out. I talked to Mom and Dad last night in order to let them know I made the batch and it came out great. Talking about food is about the only thing they and I can have a normal conversation about so I like to make them happy by asking for their opinions and approval on these matter. Their opinion is that they think I'm going to die of botulism. I thought that would be pretty amusing. Both their kids could die less than a month apart from food poisoning simply because we're too lazy to cook properly.

Mixed Signals

Last Friday was Mass and pancakes, and wonder of wonders things went pretty well. It just so happened that again I got to sit next to the girl I was interested in at breakfast. Everyone was having so much fun that even after we had paid we looked at the time and decided none of us really wanted to leave so we sat around for another 15 minutes. I did get a chance to bring up my working-holiday idea (now in limbo) and that stimulated more conversation too. Nevertheless I still wouldn't say much headway was met. I suppose in an ideal situation the next step would be to ask her to something else, but I'm still trying to do damage control from all the previous fiascos. Baby steps.

My hope is that I can give a stellar talk on this retreat. The way things work is that on the Saturday night of the retreat, there is a giant reunion were people on the past retreats come out and there's a big social. Now during this time-period the people on the current retreat are introduced, both participants and team members. I happen to be giving my talk sometime Saturday before the social. So the idea is that if I can manage to give an amazing presentation then when I get called out hopefully there will be a big applause by the participants. Big enough that the girl I'm interested in will take notice. Well that's the idea anyway.

I told all of this to one of the two team leaders on Friday. She thought the whole thing was pretty funny but agreed with me that it was a good idea. Earlier on Friday she and the other team leader had to talk to me about my talk. See on Monday I had to preview it for the team, and then I was asked to leave the room so the other team members could talk about what they liked and what needed improvement. Generally these last all of 5 minutes but I was out there for at least 15. Although it wasn't too bad because it just so happened that the girl I'm interested in was out there and I got some face time with her. Anyway, after being out there for so long I was greatly concerned that my talk was not well received. And when I came back in the room it's not like everyone was jumping up to tell me I did a good job. In fact I got very few compliments and they were from people who are sort of complimentary anyway so it's hard to tell just how much they liked it. So now Friday rolls around and I'm really anxious to hear about what went wrong. But to my surprise I was told the group loved the talk. All I really had to do was fix up the few areas that might have been a bit too insensitive. For example 'beating babies' has become 'beating baby seals'. This way I won't upset anyone who may have been beaten as a child. Then later on Friday night when I was talking with that team leader, I asked her what she thought about our team. She said she had been on a few truly fantastic teams in the past and had set an impossibly high standard for our retreat. This worried hear a bit, but she said that the past meeting on Monday changed her mind and she now thinks we have an awesome team. I then asked her what happened on Monday's meeting to make her feel that way, because at least to me it seemed like any other meeting. She said my talk was so amazing that when I was giving it she was looking around the room and could see the team drawing closer together. She said when I left everyone just clicked. Well that was a very nice compliment. Later on we were talking about the timing of the retreat. By that I mean the scheduling of events during the retreat. She told me that everything is really tight and planned to the minute. Like the schedule might say from 10:43-10:45 do something. But then I remembered that earlier in the day when I was getting critiqued on my talk they said it was 5 minutes over my allotted time. And when all was said and done, they actually wanted me to add more. So I asked her what am I supposed to do, was there anything I could get rid of to get back on time and still be able to add everything else they wanted. And she said to take all the time I want, they'll find away to make things work if I go over. Wow, another really nice compliment.

The reason I'm telling you this is not to toot my horn, if that speech is good and not totally off-putting like everything else I say it's only by some great grace above. Yesterday I was talking to Mom. Both my parents knew how anxious I was about how my speech was received and that I felt it had gone very bad. So I told her about my meeting and then the time I spent with my team leader. It had turned out that my team leader and I talked till a little after 1 in the morning for about 4 hours. Immediately my Mom demanded that I call the girl up and ask her out to 'Where the Wild Things Are' and dinner. And I said no way. First I don't want to see the movie, second it was too soon, third I'm not interested in her that way, and fourth even if I was interested she is leaving at the end of the semester (okay so is the girl I'm interested in but this is different somehow). Of course she didn't listen to me, but eventually I managed to get her off the phone. At this point I looked at my watch. I wanted to see the time because I knew not 5 minutes from then my Dad would be calling. And sure enough, not 5 minutes later he is on the phone telling me that I have to call her. I didn't know I was in such a hopeless position! If a girl so much as pays me a compliment it must be a sign that she wants to date me. Hmm. Or maybe they think there's so little to compliment about me that if anyone can find something to compliment me about then they must be a cut above the rest. Well that's just silly. Everyone knows I'm sensational. I think Mom and Dad are just getting desperate for some grandkids.

Crack in the Plan

Cats are not my favorite pet. In fact they are about the last pet I would like to have. Everyone just screams about how clean they are. Just because they lick themselves, and go potty in a box doesn't make them clean. They still get their hair everywhere. My biggest problem with cats is that they are tempermental. Sometimes they can't get enough of you and the rest of the time if you so much as look at them they try to claw you to shreds. If I want I'll just go talk to one of my girl friends. Unfortunately my kitty-kat has been tempermental lately. I found out on Friday that the radiator has a crack in it. And because it's a finicky animal not just any radiator will do. So with labor the whole job and radiator is going to be a little over a thousand dollars.

That puts a bit of a damper on the working-holiday I was planning. Fixing the car is going to be about half the price of the trip. What a shame. So now I'm unsure what I'm going to do. Gurney maybe you'll be hearing from me after all. The problem with even that is now I probably need to hold off until December because of the upcoming retreat. But then the weather is going to be cold and miserable. At that point I should be heading South not just directly West.

Blue Moon

Taking my own advice, when I was at the library the other day after I finished my post I went to go look at the travel section to see if there were any books available on Nepal. There was one which detailed 12 treks that hikers may want to look into.

Unimpressed, I made to leave to check out what Borders had. On my way out I walked by a small cluster of four computers. I thought they were for looking at microfilm because they have big bulky monitors and are clearly set aside for some special purpose. But at one of these computers there was a girl looking at Facebook. And this girl was a stunner. Not so much lust-hot but I'd say quite near a 10 on wife-hot, definitely a 9. A 9 comes along about one every year. And I've only known one person I considered a 10 so for me this was a special occasion (spell checker is fantastic, I always put 2 's' in this word). Now I am not so exceptionally shallow as this post (and probably most of my previous ones) would have you expect. However, being a guy I certainly appreciate a pretty lady, and when they are this pretty certain actions are required. After all this only happens once a year. But there was a problem. I could think of no way to approach her. I thought about just going up and telling her like it was. "Excuse me miss, I just wanted to say you're really pretty." And be on my way if she had nothing to say back. But I thought that would be a bit creepy. Gurney, later that evening, concurred. Much later that evening I decided that something so simple as that would have been alright. Paying someone a compliment isn't a big deal, and if something came of it the better. I guess I'll know better next time. Leave and learn I suppose.

Now the next thing I want to talk about is Nepal. I wrote the Nepalese government yesterday to ask them if the organization I want to work through is a legitimately recognized corporation in their country. The US Department of State has an e-mail address that you can write to which is sent to Nepal, specifically for this purpose. Apparently there are a few shady organizations over there, and the legitimate ones are registered with the government. No word back yet on that. Also I've been having my first few misgivings on the matter. While I would be extremely excited to work with either children or the Monks, the $2500+ price for it all is not exciting. Plus I am feeling a little rushed trying to plan this all with basically 2 weeks left to go, and no real information yet on how this is all supposed to go down. Like I need to arrange the air-fare, get my application in, figure out how to get a VISA. Yes I could just get one in Kathmandu, but I'd rather not fly all the way over there only to find out for some reason I get turned down. When I traveled in the past this was never a problem but this is a new experience and I want my VISA before I fly there. Essentially I don't want to leave anything up for questions. But it seems that the people I am working with do not share my sense of urgency. If this doesn't happen, which it might not, my favorite people in the world, a group of Italian nuns I knew as an undergrad, are planning a trip to Italy in June. So if I do not do this volunteering program, hopefully I can at least go to Italy for a week.

The next thing to mention is that last week the Mass and pancakes did not happen. It got pushed till tomorrow. So hopefully tomorrow I will have something to report. Fortunately, I have a really good conversation starter, which is this whole working-holiday business. That should give me some face time with her. Plus I have a good joke to tell about that 83 year father.

Aum?

Tibet is off. Unfortunately, the organization I wanted to go through does not currently have any projects there, although they have in the past so maybe in a few months they'll start one back up. So that leaves me with teaching the Monks in Nepal or saving the forests of Peru. As much as I would like to go to Peru to help with the conservation efforts, I imagine I would die in my first 10 minutes. Everything about that place is different than here. They have mountains we have flat walking. They have jungles we have soy beans. It is tropical there and it's close enough to being winter here. Although every single one of those reasons is what makes it so desirable.

I don't know much about Nepal. I should probably get a book on it. Sorta convenient being at the library. All I know is that it is where Buddhism was founded. The pics look pretty good too. The organization said I could be approved in time for the first week of November. So that's fantastic. So long as I don't waste too much time I can actually see this through.

Oh The Places You'll Go

A very optimistic view puts new stable work coming in around early December. Based on this past year, that work might not be in till February. Personally I'm guessing sometime in December as the customer seems to realize the urgency of getting their workers some work before they lose them. Now that means for the next month or two I will remain on overhead at work and occasionally doing a little direct work here and there and maybe some proposal writing (although that too is overhead, it's just under a different name).

With that in mind, since the company is putting me up for the awhile, common courtesy dictates that I help out however I can. This can come in the form of a volunteered pay cut. In that example I would work 30 hours a week and take off Friday, which gives me the benefit of a 3-day weekend. Or another option would be for me to use some of my vacation time, as I've mentioned before. I do have a bit of vacation saved up so lately I've been thinking about how to put it to use.

The first idea would be for me to head on over to Portland, Oregon for a few days to visit Gurney. I looked into this and found driving there is out of the question, making flying a necessity. The problem with that is tickets are insane. Like over $700. Now there are some sites out there like kayak.com which find better offers. Using those sites the tickets are pre-scheduled. So for example there may be a $300 roundtrip deal but it may be for 3 days. Meaning you fly in, have a day or two there, and then you return on the 3rd day. Typically the good deals are for 4 days, departing on a Thurday and returning Monday. That's not too bad, but the price is still in the mid-$300s. Now considering I get to stay for free at Gurney's $300 isn't bad at all. So that's option 1 that I'm considering.

But then I found out about option 2, and is the basis for the joke my Mom thought of at the waiting room yesterday. There are organizations that offer volunteer programs in all sorts of different countries. The way these work is that you find a country and project in that country you are interested in supporting and sign up for a 1 - 12 week interval. Depending on the country there is a fee involved that covers the expense for the host family, reception at the airport, and a few other things. Generally I've found the fee to be about $500 for 1 week with about $100 more for each week you stay. And there's a $200 non-refundable application fee. The application fee is used to get all the paper work straight with the hosting country and prepare for your inclusion in the volunteer program.

So here are some of the programs. You can volunteer in Sri Lanka at an elephant orphanage. You can go to Nepal and teach the Buddhist Monks English in their monastaries. In Tibet you can teach the school children and orphans English. In Italy you can work on a mountain side preserving a naturally growing olive grove. You can go to Peru to work on rainforest conversation efforts, or go to the Galapagos Islands and help save the sea tortoises from extinction. This is so awesome. My top two at the moment are going to Tibet to work with the children and going to Peru. The Galapagos sounds amazing but that fee is around $1400. Italy is amazing, but I know this because I've already been there twice, and the description says do not underestimate that you will be working like a dog. However, they also say to make up for it that everyday you are given a lunch that will be the greatest meal you have ever had in your life. Nepal also sounds incredible and was the basis for my Mom's joke. It would be funny if I were to help teach the Monks English and in the process convert them to Catholicism. My reason for not wanting to go there is only that I think I would prefer to help out the children. The monks would probably be more amazing to meet but helping the children would likely bring far more joy. Maybe Nepal can be saved for another time or as a backup if Tibet doesn't come through. Helping out the Dumbo's in Sri Lanka would be about the most fun I could imagine having, but I remember praying every week at Mass when I was an undergrad for war-torn Sri Lanka. If you've forgotten, this is Peru. That's why I want to go. As for Tibet, it's Tibet. That's reason enough.

At the moment I am trying to do several things. First I need to confirm that the organizations I am interested in working with are legitimate. Hey, maybe you can help the one I am most interested in is called Rustic Volunteer and Travel. I think they are fine, but I would really sleep better hearing someone who knows tell me that. Next I need to get the paperwork in order. These volunteering sessions start on the first and third week of every month. I want to go the first week of November, but that means I only have three weeks to get everything in order. Fortunately I already have an updated passport. I would have no problem going the third week of November but that will taken up by that retreat I'm going on. But if November simply won't work then I'll just shoot for December. Unless something horrible stops me, I am planning on making this happen.

Now I realize this is a bit more expensive than $300. That $700 fee doesn't cover air-fare after all. However, I am willing to pay significantly more for a week's stay in the Himalayas than I am for a stay in Portland. Gurney I'm sure you understand. How much more I still don't have answer to. Booking a plane ticket to Tibet isn't exactly on most itineraries.

Second Worst

Pancake breakfast didn't happen last Friday. Instead it got pushed up to this coming Friday. Anyway, moving on today has been interesting. Lately my sister has noticed some urination problems. These problems have been occurring for the past few weeks. This morning at 4:00 she woke up needing to use the bathroom. As she was walking in, she felt a pain in her lower back that was unbearable, it was the very worst pain she has felt in her life. So she called up Mom and Dad. No my sister has no tact so I could just imagine this conversation. When you call someone at 4 in the morning the first thing you should do is clarify that everything is okay or at least put on a semblance of well being if you are lying in a puddle of your own blood with death approaching shortly. My sister on the hand starts the conversation to my Mom screaming bloody murder. Then my Mom comes to realize Brittany is experiencing some lower back pains. But being a good Mom she gets my Dad up and they head on over to Cincinnati at 5 in the morning to lend Brittany a helping hand.

About 10 minutes out, Dad's car begins to sound like a "choo-choo train" and they decide to turn around and get Mom's car. As they were pulling out of the driveway, Dad realizes he forgot his cellphone and pulls back in to begin the search. After a few moments of panic that he can't find it, he discovers it's sitting in his shirt pocket. Now they're ready to head out.

When they get there Brittany explains that she wants to go to Urgent Care rather than an emergency room. Dad, who over-reacts to which way the toilet paper hangs off the roll, felt the emergency room was more appropriate. Somehow, Brittany managed to win this fight and they proceed to the Urgent Care with slightly elevated tension levels. At 10:00 I'm abruptly awoken from my peaceful sleep by my Mom who decides to call. She filled me in on the whole story, but I get the sense the reason she called was because she wanted me to give me the background story of a funny joke she was thinking of. Here she is sitting in the waiting room, with Dad huffing and puffing like a madman, and she's laughing because she thought it would be very funny if I were to go to Tibet and convert the Buddhist Monks to Catholicism. To be fair this was not completely random, there is a background story to this joke, but you will have to wait a few days yet for those details.

About an hour and half later Brittany calls, interrupting me in the middle of 'Casino Royale'. She wants to let me know that the doctors say she has a urinary track infection and possibly kidney stones. I asked her if this is because she doesn't wipe properly but she assured me that is not the cause of her problem. Then she started telling me about the details of this morning. But in the middle of that Jake called me so I had to put her on hold to find out what he wanted. When I got back on the phone with Brittany she was not too pleased. Dad then picked up the phone to tell me I got brownie points for putting her on hold as she was describing to me the worst pain she ever felt in her life (ours is a loving family). Then he (now in a much better mood) handed the phone back to an upset Brittany. I then explained to her a funny joke on Curb Your Enthusiasm that was very much related to our current situation and another joke from South Park related to her condition, she laughed good and hard and then all was well. The doctors explained to her that the pain of kidney stones is the second worst pain we know of next to child birth. I explained to her that for the well endowed like me it's actually significantly worse because of the extra distance the stone has to travel. Utterly grossed out she decided this was a good point to end the conversation.

A few hours later I called her up to tell her about Mom's joke at the hospital. She told me Mom told her all about it. I then asked if they were gone yet and she said "Well they left a little while ago, but they came back to pick me up because they want to look at a house for sale with me." "They were up at 4 and instead of going home exhausted they are driving back to pick you up to look at a house for sale?" "Yes." "This is what cocaine does to you. Aren't you in pain?" "I just took my drugs and was laying in bed. They are starting to kick in too, I can feel myself losing control of my functions, and we are right now getting out of the car to go in." "Enjoy the trip. Ha." And with that she had to go.

Why So Serious?

Having a manager is tough. Gurney has been complaining that these latest posts are not humorous enough. Apparently, just being amusing is not enough. These have to be laugh out loud funny. I can't consistently have some gut-busting new post to tell nearly everyday. Gah, there's so much pressure.

Maybe I need another vacation to take my mind off the stresses of having a blog. The old saying goes that "God provides" and He may be coming through in spades right now. My situation at work isn't changing and it doesn't look like it's going to for quite sometime. And the talks with my managers have been interesting. All of them say emphatically that they will not ask an employee to take a vacation. However it's a different story, when asked whether or not they recommend I take a vacation. One said, it would be a good consideration if I have somewhere to go. Another simply said that now would be a good time to do so. But when asked if by not taking a vacation and instead continue charging to "Awaiting Coverage" I am increasing my chances of being laid off the answer varies from probably not to not. So I guess I will just keep charging to the company. Sorry Gurney no visits yet.

This post wasn't very funny either. I'll do my best to have something funny for you tomorrow. It should be easy enough. I will be seeing that girl again bright and early for Mass and pancakes, so there will be plenty of good opportunities for me to completely humiliate myself. Hmmm...that sort of sounds like Gurney is rooting for me to fail. I love friends.

Half Plus Seven

As a part of the preparation for the upcoming retreat in November, the team leader is supposed to come up with a sacrifice that we can all do to sort of generate some extra graces for the participants. For example, the first week we were asked to learn the "Hail Mary" in Latin ("Ave Maria", the same as that beautiful song). This past week we were asked to meet with one person on the team who didn't already know very well. The person I met with was Meghan. Meghan and I had both been on team for another retreat two years ago. We were already fairly well acquainted through that retreat but we've never hung out or anything, and we don't know anything about each other so we thought it would be a good "sacrifice" on both are parts to grab dinner together last night.

During dinner, we talked about everything and anything from grandma's with cancer to whether or not bars in the local area have swing dance nights (they do not in case you're curious). At some point she decided she needed to ask me about my lady situation. At this point I looked at my watch, and after some thought on it I felt there was enough time to give her a good overview of my trials.

Now at this point in the conversation she told me not to get discouraged, because I have plenty of time. To illustrate this point she told me about her friend, whose Dad, when she was in highschool, was 83! She was his only child and her Mom was his one and only wife! No way. The husband and wife had a 30 year difference. So therefore, according to Meghan, I have a 60 year to span to work from, starting from the pre-conceived to some of my friend's Moms. That would be so weird, being the step-Dad of my friends.

Toasty

The past few days have kept me a bit busy. I've been trying to write my talk and it's been taking away from my typical posting time. The talk has been a bit tricky for me. I've given it once before about 5 years ago and still have that original speech. I was very pleased with it and it has aged well. The problem with it is that I didn't feel that it reached the audience. Oh they greatly liked it, but the talk is on Christian Living and I want to stir in these people a renewed effort to either get on the right path or keep on it if they are already are. Last time I don't think I accomplished that.

So far the new talk has been slow going. But it's going. I don't actually give it until mid-November but I have to preview it twice, first this Thursday and then next Monday. Which means I at least need a good version of it ready to go. I can change it all I want after the fact but I need to have something soon.

Anyway that's why the blogs haven't been up to par. But to try and keep you entertained last night I went to a social where a lot of my friends were gathered. We were making smores around a fire pit. That girl I'm interested in also happened to be there. No I didn't talk to her, I couldn't think of any good conversation starters, but she did pay attention to the conversations I was having when she was nearby. I tried to be a bit sly though. The pertinent details are three seats at the fire pit. The left most seat was open, the middle seat was taken by my friend and the right most seat was occupied by the girl. I was behind them and wanted to sit down, particularly in that middle seat. Directly behind them, were I happened to be standing there was another row of people. And my friend and the girl had their marshmellows in the fire. So I decided to try and play it off that I couldn't get to the leftmost seat easily and asked my friend if he would mind scooting over to his left so I could get in (this created a nice gap for me to get in, it's sort of hard to describe without an illustration). And I got to sit next to the girl. I think though that my intention was a bit too obvious. At the time I was thinking about saying something like "Could you please scoot over, I can't get to the chair next to you easily with your sticks in the fire and the people behind me." It was more of a half truth than anything else. So out of ear shot I asked my friend, "was it obvious?" He knew what I meant and said "yep." Oh well, I still enjoyed my smores.

One of my friends on campus, who happens to be a girl, says my chief problem is that I need to act like a grown up. Her opinion is that I don't act mature enough. That's probably true, in public at least. One-on-one or at work, I find most people say I'm too serious and grown up, but when it's time to have fun I do tend to act like a little kid.

The thing about all of this is that just earlier that day I got a phone call from a guy who is having lady troubles and wanted my advice because he thinks I'm good around ladies. I just can't win. I feel like Hitch, minus being black, good-looking and cool.

Plumage

Yesterday I finished my current project at work that I've been working on for the past two weeks. On Monday a new project(s) will start. Or they would start if there were any to start. Yep, when I go into work on Monday I will have no billable customer work to perform. There is one customer I am still awaiting an e-mail from with about 60 hours worth of work that is coming but I do not know when I will hear from them. It could be Monday it could be Tuesday it could be a month from now. So with no real customer to charge the company has a few options. They can tell me to take a vacation, or a leave without pay for a few weeks. I have a little over 4 weeks of vacation time saved up so this can get me out of any real pickle for about a month. They could just lay me off. Since they have no work for me to do, laying me off is always an option. Or they could put me on overhead and allow me to charge to our company's savings. This year I was told to limit my overhead charging to 2% of my time which covers things like special meetings we are required to be at, or required training like an ethical standards in the workplace review. So putting me on overhead for a few weeks or months is no small issue.

Fortunately, as we all know, I am sensational and work will be putting me on overhead. I will be charging our 'awaiting coverage' task line. Work doesn't want to lay me off because we will be getting an $8 million contract which should get turned on in a few months. They need me to work this contract and laying me off would probably be more costly than putting me on overhead.

So now they need to find something to keep me occupied during this down time. The best thing in these cases is to invest that overhead money in me in the form of more education. Currently they want me to learn up on electronic warfare. That's pretty interesting. Here's an ex-graduate theologian studying electronic warfare. Oh well. So no worries yet, I suppose. I still have a job and they are wanting to invest even more into me. The only concern I have is that I am only the first of about 10 to 11 of us who will be in the same situation. Several more will be joining me at the end of the week and nearly all of us likely before the end of the month. That's a lot of overhead money being spent.

Speaking of electronic warfare I heard about a neat technology the other day. When a rocket is launced in the air, there's always all the smoke that comes out of it. Well apparently those rocket exhaust plumes are fairly unique to the rocket. It should be no surprise to you that we have satellites everywhere watching locations of interest 24-7. The technology is that when one of those rockets is launced that satellites can watch the plume and we can figure out what sort of rocket was launced. So if Iran were to launch one of it's missles we could simply look at the huge plume of smoke that comes out from it, even though the missle itself may be too small to see, and say "Hey, Iran just launced one of it's mid-range missles". I had no idea we could do this, but the phenomenology of rocket exhaust plumes is already a large area of research. There's a company slogan for you "We do what you think to be magic."