Monday, June 15, 2009

Mushrooms Have No Place in Cake

The process of ranking girls is a complex one, which I find easiest to explain by using the illustrative example of cake. I think of cake as having two main features, the frosting and the cake part. When a person sees a cake, the first thing they notice is the frosting. It's impossible not to. Highly decorative pretty frosting is naturally going to get more attention than a globby pity inducing coating. And so it is with girls. The pretty ones are going to grab my attention. So frosting is very important. In terms of girls, it is generally the frosting which guys rate from 1 - 10. I refer to this as the lust scale. But as important as frosting is, it is not most important. Frosting, even mutant nasty frosting, is about impossible to mess up taste wise. You'd have to try to make sugar taste bad. I hope you have the ability to grasp the similarity to girls here.
The cake part is the most important. This is the only somewhat nutrious part of the cake afterall and what provides the substance. If you mess up the cake part, the whole cake is nothing more than a foul mess that someone tried to sweeten. And you can't cover nasty for long. One bite is all it takes. The ingredients are very important. For example, some people like carrot cake, others like date cate, and others may hate both of those and prefer chocolate cake. We all have different tastes when it comes to personalities. And what I like others may not.
When I go looking for a girl, what grabs my attention first is her frosting. In general it takes somewhere between 8 and 9 on the lust scale for me to go up to a random stranger. But these are very few and far between. Maybe one every half year or so. And in my whole life I've only ever met one that I put at a 10. So after I find an 8 or a 9 and after summing up a great deal of courage I try to start some sort of conversation to see about the cake part. It just doesn't work the other way around. She may be made of amazing, but I'd never know if she's mutant looking. In those cases, the only way I'm going to get to know those people is if we are brought together. Like when Mom forces you to eat something that looks like filth but actually ends up becoming your favorite dish. In those situations the less appealing can become a serious relationship, but that's about the only way such a relationship would ever come about.
Anyway, no matter how delightful the frosting, the cake is the most important part. No matter how good looking a girl may be, if her personality is wack she needs to be left for another who may find her tasty. Many years ago my friend's parents had an interesting loaf of bread. A loaf of bread generally looks appetizing from the outside, and this one did too. But I found it was filled with mushrooms and other ingredients. I think olives were in it too. Basically this bread consisted of flour mixed with disgusting. The parents said that I just had to try it. And I said no I don't and I won't. Then they got all upset that I wouldn't try new things. I had repressed the memory of that nastiness for probably a decade until this post reminded me of it. I remember it was so gross, that my other friend and I had to sneak down later that night (my friend with the bread had two of us over for a sleep over) just to take another look at it. It was one of those things that you can't bear to look at it but at the same time can't turn your head away. Interestingly, 1-2s on the lust scale can have the same effect and may actually have better chances at meeting new people than 5-7s which I generally find to be the ideal canidates when looking for potential wives.

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