I sent out a birthday card the other day. I spent a good bit of time on it. It's not like I just grabbed a card put down some words and mailed it off. Instead I must have spent a good 15 minutes or more looking for a card (they are so bad nowadays), and then another 15 or so filling it out. It took some time, and I thought the message and card were both funny and sweet. The card itself was pink and blank inside with minimal art on the cover of a stylzed printscreen of a girl in a dress dancing.
After the birthday came and went and I hadn't gotten a call of thanks, I decided to make a call and ask what was the delay all about. If I send something to someone I at least want a grunt of a response indicating it was received. So I made the call, and got screamed at. Apparently it was the rudest most thoughtless birthday card in the history of birthday cards. I was a little shocked. A day doesn't go by where someone doesn't get offended by something I say, but this time I really was having difficulties figuring out what I could have done wrong. So I asked what part specifically was so bad. That didn't help, the whole thing was terrible. Then I asked how what I wrote was being interpreted. More or less what I wrote was, I would have liked to visit but I know you're going to be gone, sorry I couldn't see you and I hope you have a wonderful time with your friends, when I see you next I'll give you your present because I'd rather give it to you in person than just mail it to you. That got translated to, I hope you feel guilty about leaving me behind and going off with your friends. I'm not giving you your gift because you're a jerk. Have a terrible trip.
I'll grant that my style is dry beligerent dis-respectful sarcasm but I never try to be purposely mean. This was a birthday card. What really worries me is that some people can actually think I'm purposely trying to be mean like this. I always hope this is not how I come off, but apparently not. So I told this person, whenever I say or write something that comes off as terrible, they should just say "Hey this sounds horrible, am I understanding you correctly?" Then I will be able to clarify what I'm trying to convey and we will avoid this mess altogether. Line by line we went through the card together and finally the humor and sweetness of the message was brought out. See these types of fiascos could be avoided altogether if only the offended person seeks to make sure they are understanding the offender correctly. The offender may have no idea that what he is doing is making the other uncomfortable.
After the birthday came and went and I hadn't gotten a call of thanks, I decided to make a call and ask what was the delay all about. If I send something to someone I at least want a grunt of a response indicating it was received. So I made the call, and got screamed at. Apparently it was the rudest most thoughtless birthday card in the history of birthday cards. I was a little shocked. A day doesn't go by where someone doesn't get offended by something I say, but this time I really was having difficulties figuring out what I could have done wrong. So I asked what part specifically was so bad. That didn't help, the whole thing was terrible. Then I asked how what I wrote was being interpreted. More or less what I wrote was, I would have liked to visit but I know you're going to be gone, sorry I couldn't see you and I hope you have a wonderful time with your friends, when I see you next I'll give you your present because I'd rather give it to you in person than just mail it to you. That got translated to, I hope you feel guilty about leaving me behind and going off with your friends. I'm not giving you your gift because you're a jerk. Have a terrible trip.
I'll grant that my style is dry beligerent dis-respectful sarcasm but I never try to be purposely mean. This was a birthday card. What really worries me is that some people can actually think I'm purposely trying to be mean like this. I always hope this is not how I come off, but apparently not. So I told this person, whenever I say or write something that comes off as terrible, they should just say "Hey this sounds horrible, am I understanding you correctly?" Then I will be able to clarify what I'm trying to convey and we will avoid this mess altogether. Line by line we went through the card together and finally the humor and sweetness of the message was brought out. See these types of fiascos could be avoided altogether if only the offended person seeks to make sure they are understanding the offender correctly. The offender may have no idea that what he is doing is making the other uncomfortable.
Because I'm constantly being misunderstood, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. And when I cannot even give them the benefit I say that they simply don't know any better. I prefer to think the person is simple rather than downright mean. I like to think this is how the world works too but not so. People are so sensitive nowadays, to the point where it's getting really annoying. Every now and then one friend or another will point out that pretty much all of my friends think I judge them. My friends are idiots (that's a fair judgement). I wouldn't be hanging out with them if I was judging them. It wouldn't make sense that I hang out with people I don't like, like I'm a glutton for having terrible times. The big thing is when I go to the bars with them. I hate beer. Hate it, hate it. I can't even force myself to gag it down. All of it, every single nasty brand tastes like variations on wet bread. I don't drink wet bread, that's duck food. And while there are a few, very few, alcoholic drinks I like they are both too expensive and too strong for me. When I'm at home and can control how they're made it's different. So when I want a pop I don't want a big commotion about it. I'm not trying to make some sort of statement here. I don't want a beer, I just want a pop. I don't want wine, I want Juicy Juice. Champaign's not too bad, but it's just weird drinking it at anything other than a wedding. Sort of like drinking red wine outside of Mass. And I'm not drinking the nasty stuff just to fit in with everyone else. First off, I'm sensational I don't have to fit in. Secondly, I'm not 15, I could care less what 'the crowd' thinks. Thirdly, people who say they drink because it loosens them up are cowards. "Oh, I can't go sing kariokee until I have a drink or two more in me." Loser. "Drinking helps make me social" That's because in real life you're a boring turd with nothing valuable to input. Instead of working on your beer, work on being awesome.
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