A bookworm's tan can be likened to a farmer's tan. A farmer's tan results from a person wearing a short sleeved shirt in the sun so often that when he takes off his shirt there is a negative effect on his skin and you can see the out line of the shirt. A bookworm's tan uses similar principles and is what I am currently sporting. This tan is accomplished by reading out in the sun in a lounged position. In a lounged position the person is sitting upright but at an obtuse angle with respect to the ground. The result of this is that the stomach is in a crunched position but only just so, and after several hours a razor thin tan line results. If the person sits at 90 degrees or less (hunchbacked I suppose), that crunch becomes more enveloping so instead of a razor thin line you'd end up with a bar of white. The best part of having the bookworm tan is that those razor thin lines occur at exactly the same location as the lines of a 6 pack. So by being a nerd in the sun, I can go around looking like I have a sweet 6 pack. This is fantastic.
Today I was at the club house with my book lounging by the pool. It was a little early in the day so there were not too many people around. After about 15 minutes a girl came who I hadn't seen before, and she sat in such a fashion that I could only see her bottom half. I don't want to take the time to explain how this occurred but it has to do with the layout of the land so just go along with me. Now from what I could tell she had lovely legs and I was intrigued. I figured it had been about a week since I had last been completely humiliated and that it was about time to be again. That and as gripping as De Trinitate may be, it just doesn't have the same attention grabbing effect as a nice pair of legs.
About 25 minutes later my Mom called, and I decided to milk the opportunity. I used her phone call as an excuse to try and laugh slightly louder than a typical person for two reasons. First to draw some attention to myself and secondly to point out that I have a good sense of humor. Yes, I know the girl couldn't actually see me either but she would have been blind not to have seen me sitting there when she came in. So she could have inferred it was me laughing just by the sound. However, I suppose it is possible she didn't know I was there as I have had a friend in the past come in and sit right next to me in an empty room and have no idea I was even there until I spoke up.
After the call I decided to jump in the water. In the three summers I've spent here, I've never jumped in the water before. I've never had a reason to before. When you're by yourself at the pool there's not a lot of playing around to do. But this time I had a good reason, which was to do a lap or two to show to the girl that I was in shape. In reality I couldn't be much more out of shape, however years of swimming lessons were not lost on me and I can fake a lot just by having good technique.
Then I was ready to make my move. My move was to go up to her on my way out and ask her if she'd like to join me for lunch or drinks at the club house. So I got my things together and started to walk past her on my way out. And then I saw her upper half. Sigh. I was not impressed. That and she didn't even look at me as I walked by. If she would have at least looked in my direction I would have said "Hello", but she was looking at something else. Oh well, at least it wasn't all a loss. My bookworm tan is looking incredible.
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