I went home to Podunk on Saturday to surprise the parents. I knew they were going up to Cleveland to see their own parents so I had plenty of time to kill and stopped off in Indianapolis to shop. There is a particular store I like which sells expensive on a hanger. Their underwear costs more than my utility bills. For example, they sell COR. COR is a soap made with aloe, avocado, pomegranate, and last but not least silver. That's right, atomic number 47 silver. I can't begin to imagine the type of person who feels a need to bathe in silver. So I picked up two sample bars. One for Mom and one for my sis. Then I got some shades by Salt and proceeded home.
As I hit the bottom of the hill that leads home I got the call from Mom that they were just leaving Cleveland. I had not expected them to be there so long and they had a 3 hour trip home. So I went to visit my old friend's parents. This was fantastic, I show up unannounced at their door and they take me in, invite me to dinner, and then gave me a present. It was an electric frier which as random as that may sound, is actually a pretty terrific home-warming gift for a newbie like me. Then after I long visit I rushed home to be sure I would beat my parents, whom I was trying to surprise.
Dad called. He was in Columbus (still an hour out, maybe I should have told someone I was coming home). He decided to kidnap Mom and run away with her, because Podunk is unbearably dull and he didn't want to go home. He also wanted me to give him $38,000 so Mom could get a Highlander (I told you he brings up seemingly random stuff see Squirrel Nests). I said no, he cried. But finally at 9:30 they arrived home.
They were both pleasantly surprised, but since we talk nearly every day it was basically hugs, and then on with life. During that time, I gave Mom her soap, which she liked but hadn't yet used at the time of this blog (update to come), and Dad fell in love with my shades. He then had to run to the computer to start looking up Japanese made sunglasses. Now please note that this was around 10:30 at night. At this point they had probably been up longer than I had been in the past two days combined. These people just do not stop. Around 11:00, Mom went into the family room to say goodnight to him, and came out shaking her head. So I go on in and took a look at the screen. Dad, having both travelocity and google earth out, was trying to book a trip to China. And I left the room shaking my head.
This is the China story. Dad and Mom have some business dealings with a landlord over in Cincinnati. Yes, for those of you familiar with the geography, I know Podunk and Cinci are a bit apart, but this is my parents. Anyway, this landlord had just come back from China on a vacation. He's old, so before he went he had a "thorough" physical done. When he got to China with his friend they decided just for kicks to go to a Chinese hospital, which I will call Cling-Clang General since I can neither pronounce nor spell it's real name, and get the same physical. At first he mistook the hospital for a 5-star hotel. There were doormen at the entrance who spoke English and ushered them in. The lobby had a huge chandelier and everything else was mostly marble. The girl at the front desk was cute, spoke English and helped them find the physician who would be performing the physical. The landlord was diagnosed with a partially blocked artery, was told it was at least 70% blocked, and had to go immediately to the cardiologist on the 4th floor. So he did. Again a cute girl took his name, and asked him to have a seat. The seat happened to be the nicest couch he had ever sat in. Not 2 minutes went by before the cardiologist came out, who again spoke perfect English. He did some tests and told the landlord that he did have a major blockage and would need a stint (shunt?) put in right away. The landlord faxed the tests to his doctor in America who confirmed the results. So the landlord asked the doctor when could the operation be performed and how much would it cost. The doctor said he could do it that very moment and it would cost $9,000. The landlord called his American doctor who said it would cost $45,000 in America. And since this landlord had no insurance, asked the Chinese doctor "Do you accept Visa?" They did, and the doctor ushered him back to the operating room where a team of cute nurses prepped him. Then the doctor came in with a tray of stints and asked the landlord to pick which one he wanted. I could just imagine 'Hello Kitty' (Japanese maybe?) stylized stints. Then they got to work. The doctor went through the landlord's arm. And the landlord yelled out "Hey, don't you go through the leg?" "No, we use the latest procedures here." "Aren't you going to put me to sleep?" "Why? You can't feel anything afterall." And about an hour later the landlord was on his way. This is amazing. And let's not forget the American doctors did miss that potentially fatal blockage.
So now Dad wants to go to China.
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