Oh, what a fiasco. I held off writing last night in the hopes that this morning's events would be a bit more cheery. But let's start at the beginning. On Wednesday I went to the Mass on campus. Nerves were running high as this was the first time I would be seeing her after receiving that reply from her which we over-analyzed last time. When I got there, she was with a bunch of friends but said 'hi' which was very nice. Mass was fine, and then afterwards came the social. For awhile I stuck with my friends, but then they decided to leave, and I hadn't talked to her yet. I had one goal in mind, and that was to ask her if I could keep inviting her to various things or should I back off. A very simple quick 'yes' or 'no' question. Once my friends left, I was left standing there feeling awkward. A lot of people were still around but I don't talk to them. Not wanting to look silly I decided to go over and talk to her even though she was surrounded by friends.
After I made my way over, I got her attention and asked her very quietly if I freaked her out by my offer in the message. She said not at all, and that she very much liked my joke in it. At this point my nerves got the better of me and the conversation broke down. Personally I think I am very good at holding conversations, but not that night. In short, every time I wanted to ask my question something came up. We did talk for a short while, which was nice, but it was very much chit-chat. Nothing solid or substantial to build off of. Eventually she got bombarded with her friends, and at that point I was very much feeling like that puppy in the shadows who wanted attention. That is about the most annoying state I ever see guys in (it's a pet peeve of mine to see guys just hanging around a girl hoping she'll notice them), and realizing that I tried to get myself out of there by finding someone else to talk to. But then at some point it becomes apparent that I'm merely trying to hang around for an alternative motive. Anyway, in the end I did not get to ask my question, and thought I probably did more damage than good by the night's end. My plan at that point was to drop the issue, keep doing what I do and maybe by some great grace things will progress naturally. I have found this to be the only way things have ever worked for me. Whenever I try to take some initiative on my own, things always, without fail, go wrong. When I just let them progress naturally everything works out. For the Christian fan base this would be better phrased as when I keep my eyes on God much sucess, when I try epic fail.
So with this new mindset of no longer actively pursuing her I went to Mass again this morning at 7. I knew at least one other of my friend's would be going too so I had a buffer (okay this sounds a lot like 'actively pursuing' so let's call it 'passively pursuing'. But that's a pet peeve of mine too so let's try to call it 'sensational passively pursuing' since I'm doing it which therefore makes it okay because Nietzsche was right along). A bunch of my friends go to Mass on Friday mornings and then head over to a special pancake restaurant here in town for breakfast. And things did go much better today. I didn't talk to her but it was fun with my friend and the other people I became better acquainted with. In general this is called the 'if you can't be her friend become friends with her friends technique'. However, in my defense these people are not her friends so there. I would call this the 'if you can't hang with her, hang with people who go to the same gathering as her but are not necessarily her friends technique.' Which I am equating to letting things happen naturally since I very well may have gone anyway if I had never met her and only knew my friends were going to be there.
Throughout these ordeals I have gotten much loving support from my friends and family. My sister for example has offered me some insightful relevations. "Bromo, it's not from lack of effort that you can't make friends. You can't make friends because you're a loser."
What a week. I need a vacation from all that. And it just so happens I'm going to South Carolina tomorrow for a week. How convenient. Although this sadly means that you may not hear from me for awhile. I'll tell you what though. I'm going to go throw Orca at an alligator and post the pics and vids I take of it all along with some first hand impressions.
After I made my way over, I got her attention and asked her very quietly if I freaked her out by my offer in the message. She said not at all, and that she very much liked my joke in it. At this point my nerves got the better of me and the conversation broke down. Personally I think I am very good at holding conversations, but not that night. In short, every time I wanted to ask my question something came up. We did talk for a short while, which was nice, but it was very much chit-chat. Nothing solid or substantial to build off of. Eventually she got bombarded with her friends, and at that point I was very much feeling like that puppy in the shadows who wanted attention. That is about the most annoying state I ever see guys in (it's a pet peeve of mine to see guys just hanging around a girl hoping she'll notice them), and realizing that I tried to get myself out of there by finding someone else to talk to. But then at some point it becomes apparent that I'm merely trying to hang around for an alternative motive. Anyway, in the end I did not get to ask my question, and thought I probably did more damage than good by the night's end. My plan at that point was to drop the issue, keep doing what I do and maybe by some great grace things will progress naturally. I have found this to be the only way things have ever worked for me. Whenever I try to take some initiative on my own, things always, without fail, go wrong. When I just let them progress naturally everything works out. For the Christian fan base this would be better phrased as when I keep my eyes on God much sucess, when I try epic fail.
So with this new mindset of no longer actively pursuing her I went to Mass again this morning at 7. I knew at least one other of my friend's would be going too so I had a buffer (okay this sounds a lot like 'actively pursuing' so let's call it 'passively pursuing'. But that's a pet peeve of mine too so let's try to call it 'sensational passively pursuing' since I'm doing it which therefore makes it okay because Nietzsche was right along). A bunch of my friends go to Mass on Friday mornings and then head over to a special pancake restaurant here in town for breakfast. And things did go much better today. I didn't talk to her but it was fun with my friend and the other people I became better acquainted with. In general this is called the 'if you can't be her friend become friends with her friends technique'. However, in my defense these people are not her friends so there. I would call this the 'if you can't hang with her, hang with people who go to the same gathering as her but are not necessarily her friends technique.' Which I am equating to letting things happen naturally since I very well may have gone anyway if I had never met her and only knew my friends were going to be there.
Throughout these ordeals I have gotten much loving support from my friends and family. My sister for example has offered me some insightful relevations. "Bromo, it's not from lack of effort that you can't make friends. You can't make friends because you're a loser."
What a week. I need a vacation from all that. And it just so happens I'm going to South Carolina tomorrow for a week. How convenient. Although this sadly means that you may not hear from me for awhile. I'll tell you what though. I'm going to go throw Orca at an alligator and post the pics and vids I take of it all along with some first hand impressions.
2 comments:
Okay, didn't see this - your asking her if it freaked her out that you asked her to dinner was a BAD IDEA. First, you should never ask someone that - it's just a self-doubting and weird question. Second, nothing about her email prompted this question. You sent a normal email, she sent a normal reply. Nothing signaled that she was freaked out.
It's good that you're out of town. Give it some time to let the awkwardness dissipate, make other friends, don't hang around too much, then follow my advice in the previous post.
Yes, I have a really hard time thinking straight in these types of situations. Like I said in the post probably more damage than not ocurred. But yes, hopefully in a week or so everything will dissipate away. I'll probably give it forever though just to be on the safe side.
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