The other day Mom called me out of the blue. She had an “important message” for me. Growing up I had a few Mercer Mayer books. They are children’s picture books with short stories revolving around these little critters. The stories are cute and I liked looking at the pictures because there was usually a spider or mouse somewhere on the page that was fun to find. Those little touches really make books worth opening. The prime example of this is the classic “Eleventh Hour” by Graeme Base. If you have never had the joyful experience this book provides, stop reading this and go pick it up immediately. Then come back and finish this.
Mom called telling me about one particular scene in the Critter books. The scene is in the grocery store. Momma steps away for a moment with the baby critter, maybe to change a diaper or something, and the little brother and sister wander to the candy aisle. When Momma finds them, the little girl says she wants candy. “You can have candy tomorrow but not today.” “But I want candy now.” “You want a time out now?” “No time out.” That is how the, at least of 2006, revised edition of the book goes. Mom noticed this change. When I was a child it went like this, after the little girl back talked, “You want a spanking?” “No spanking.”
I am not a parent. So at first I may seem grossly inexperienced to comment on parenting. But the way I see it, other than age, there are pretty much no qualifications or experience necessary to become a parent, so my opinion is just as good as any. If you feel there is a hole in this line of thinking, then let me point out that I am sensational, so you need no other reason than that to read on.
I actually have no idea how I will raise my children. For a long time, a hands on approach seemed to be the way to go. Nowadays, it seems to be frowned upon more so than it used to be. But it’s not so much the approach that I think is important as it is where the approach is coming from. Maybe the approach is based on anger, frustration, or even joy and happiness. After all just as one may overly discipline a child, that child could be overly rewarded. I think the approach used must come from one based entirely out of love for the child. How we feel at that particular moment with the child is irrelevant. This is important because this culture of ours has us make essentially every decision and life choice out of how we feel about it rather than based on any morality or objectiveness. That means that if the child messes up on Tuesday, he might receive a different punishment than if he messed up on Wednesday, for no other reason than because his parent was more irritated on Wednesday. And that is inconsistent parenting. Punishments and rewards should be consistent and have to based upon so many different case by cases that adding in something as variable as our emotion is unfair to the child.
All of this got me thinking about other parenting issues. Like setting examples, and what makes for a good parent. The following example is meant to sound practical, I have no idea if it actually has occurred, but it seems plausible enough. Think of the smoking Dad (just thought I’d point out that my Dad doesn’t smoke) who tells his children not to smoke. I can understand the reasoning behind this. He doesn’t want his children to make his same mistakes and become addicted like he is. But what bothers me is if that Dad doesn’t do everything he can to stop smoking. That sets a bad example. I believe children learn more from the example of our behavior than by our words. That means if our actions contradict our speech, then the children are going to side with our actions and not the words. So it isn't enough to simply tell children not to smoke. The smoker must actually try not to smoke. At least I find fighting that temptation would be better than for him to essentially say to his own children, “I am a weakling who has become complacent to my bonds.” What a defeatist attitude to portray to our young ones. Okay fine. You’re weak and have no desire to change yourself. It’s not the weak part that angers me but the lack of any desire to put up a fight. I can get behind someone who constantly strives to be better even if he constantly falls. Maybe the smoker never can get over it, but at least he kept trying. That’s all anyone can ask. If you are addicted to something to the point where you feel you cannot do without it then you are a slave and should fight those bonds. Now years later that parent’s addiction causes him to suffer from severe health. Now he is ready to put up that fight. This is disgusting. He wasn’t willing to fight to set a good example for his children, but now that his personal health is endanger, now he is willing to fight. He just put a higher value on his own health than on his children’s upbringing. He cared nothing for setting a good example, but cared everything for saving his own life. The child should be more important. The love for his children should compel him to fight to stop smoking so that he can ensure he can be in the best of health which will help him be able to provide for all of his children’s needs.
Then there’s the lighter form of inconsistent parenting. Such as making chicken soup. My Mom actually had a light argument with me when I told her how I was going to make it for Sarah when she was sick. The thing was that I was going to make it exactly how Mom made it for me all my life. But she said she wouldn’t make it that way for anyone other than me and my sister. See when Mom makes it for us, she doesn't change out the vegetables. So when she cooks those carrots and celery she doesn't throw them out and add new ones once it's done. She says that when I make it for others I need to cook it with carrots and celery and onion, and when it's done I need to throw those out and add fresh vegetables. For example, she likes to add those frozen waffle cut carrots. But she never in all my life made it that way for us kids. And that’s inconsistent parenting. I can’t make a proper bowl of chicken soup because my Mom wasn’t consistent with my upbringing on this subject area. Nevertheless I can't feel too slighted by Mom, afterall my Mom's chicken soup, as she prepares it for me, is the best chicken soup in the world. Even without waffle cut carrots.
I have no idea how I’m going to raise my children. I can’t even manage to get a girlfriend. My feeling is that proper parenting can only come from love for the children. Proper parenting can never come from that day’s ups or downs. But that makes it more objective, and that runs counter to how our current culture believes we should live our lives. So I guess being a parent isn’t exactly an easy undertaking. The level of self-denial required is pretty much beyond my comprehension, but hopefully so is the love that comes with having a child. And at that I have no experience.
Mom called telling me about one particular scene in the Critter books. The scene is in the grocery store. Momma steps away for a moment with the baby critter, maybe to change a diaper or something, and the little brother and sister wander to the candy aisle. When Momma finds them, the little girl says she wants candy. “You can have candy tomorrow but not today.” “But I want candy now.” “You want a time out now?” “No time out.” That is how the, at least of 2006, revised edition of the book goes. Mom noticed this change. When I was a child it went like this, after the little girl back talked, “You want a spanking?” “No spanking.”
I am not a parent. So at first I may seem grossly inexperienced to comment on parenting. But the way I see it, other than age, there are pretty much no qualifications or experience necessary to become a parent, so my opinion is just as good as any. If you feel there is a hole in this line of thinking, then let me point out that I am sensational, so you need no other reason than that to read on.
I actually have no idea how I will raise my children. For a long time, a hands on approach seemed to be the way to go. Nowadays, it seems to be frowned upon more so than it used to be. But it’s not so much the approach that I think is important as it is where the approach is coming from. Maybe the approach is based on anger, frustration, or even joy and happiness. After all just as one may overly discipline a child, that child could be overly rewarded. I think the approach used must come from one based entirely out of love for the child. How we feel at that particular moment with the child is irrelevant. This is important because this culture of ours has us make essentially every decision and life choice out of how we feel about it rather than based on any morality or objectiveness. That means that if the child messes up on Tuesday, he might receive a different punishment than if he messed up on Wednesday, for no other reason than because his parent was more irritated on Wednesday. And that is inconsistent parenting. Punishments and rewards should be consistent and have to based upon so many different case by cases that adding in something as variable as our emotion is unfair to the child.
All of this got me thinking about other parenting issues. Like setting examples, and what makes for a good parent. The following example is meant to sound practical, I have no idea if it actually has occurred, but it seems plausible enough. Think of the smoking Dad (just thought I’d point out that my Dad doesn’t smoke) who tells his children not to smoke. I can understand the reasoning behind this. He doesn’t want his children to make his same mistakes and become addicted like he is. But what bothers me is if that Dad doesn’t do everything he can to stop smoking. That sets a bad example. I believe children learn more from the example of our behavior than by our words. That means if our actions contradict our speech, then the children are going to side with our actions and not the words. So it isn't enough to simply tell children not to smoke. The smoker must actually try not to smoke. At least I find fighting that temptation would be better than for him to essentially say to his own children, “I am a weakling who has become complacent to my bonds.” What a defeatist attitude to portray to our young ones. Okay fine. You’re weak and have no desire to change yourself. It’s not the weak part that angers me but the lack of any desire to put up a fight. I can get behind someone who constantly strives to be better even if he constantly falls. Maybe the smoker never can get over it, but at least he kept trying. That’s all anyone can ask. If you are addicted to something to the point where you feel you cannot do without it then you are a slave and should fight those bonds. Now years later that parent’s addiction causes him to suffer from severe health. Now he is ready to put up that fight. This is disgusting. He wasn’t willing to fight to set a good example for his children, but now that his personal health is endanger, now he is willing to fight. He just put a higher value on his own health than on his children’s upbringing. He cared nothing for setting a good example, but cared everything for saving his own life. The child should be more important. The love for his children should compel him to fight to stop smoking so that he can ensure he can be in the best of health which will help him be able to provide for all of his children’s needs.
Then there’s the lighter form of inconsistent parenting. Such as making chicken soup. My Mom actually had a light argument with me when I told her how I was going to make it for Sarah when she was sick. The thing was that I was going to make it exactly how Mom made it for me all my life. But she said she wouldn’t make it that way for anyone other than me and my sister. See when Mom makes it for us, she doesn't change out the vegetables. So when she cooks those carrots and celery she doesn't throw them out and add new ones once it's done. She says that when I make it for others I need to cook it with carrots and celery and onion, and when it's done I need to throw those out and add fresh vegetables. For example, she likes to add those frozen waffle cut carrots. But she never in all my life made it that way for us kids. And that’s inconsistent parenting. I can’t make a proper bowl of chicken soup because my Mom wasn’t consistent with my upbringing on this subject area. Nevertheless I can't feel too slighted by Mom, afterall my Mom's chicken soup, as she prepares it for me, is the best chicken soup in the world. Even without waffle cut carrots.
I have no idea how I’m going to raise my children. I can’t even manage to get a girlfriend. My feeling is that proper parenting can only come from love for the children. Proper parenting can never come from that day’s ups or downs. But that makes it more objective, and that runs counter to how our current culture believes we should live our lives. So I guess being a parent isn’t exactly an easy undertaking. The level of self-denial required is pretty much beyond my comprehension, but hopefully so is the love that comes with having a child. And at that I have no experience.
0 comments:
Post a Comment