Aum?

Tibet is off. Unfortunately, the organization I wanted to go through does not currently have any projects there, although they have in the past so maybe in a few months they'll start one back up. So that leaves me with teaching the Monks in Nepal or saving the forests of Peru. As much as I would like to go to Peru to help with the conservation efforts, I imagine I would die in my first 10 minutes. Everything about that place is different than here. They have mountains we have flat walking. They have jungles we have soy beans. It is tropical there and it's close enough to being winter here. Although every single one of those reasons is what makes it so desirable.

I don't know much about Nepal. I should probably get a book on it. Sorta convenient being at the library. All I know is that it is where Buddhism was founded. The pics look pretty good too. The organization said I could be approved in time for the first week of November. So that's fantastic. So long as I don't waste too much time I can actually see this through.

Oh The Places You'll Go

A very optimistic view puts new stable work coming in around early December. Based on this past year, that work might not be in till February. Personally I'm guessing sometime in December as the customer seems to realize the urgency of getting their workers some work before they lose them. Now that means for the next month or two I will remain on overhead at work and occasionally doing a little direct work here and there and maybe some proposal writing (although that too is overhead, it's just under a different name).

With that in mind, since the company is putting me up for the awhile, common courtesy dictates that I help out however I can. This can come in the form of a volunteered pay cut. In that example I would work 30 hours a week and take off Friday, which gives me the benefit of a 3-day weekend. Or another option would be for me to use some of my vacation time, as I've mentioned before. I do have a bit of vacation saved up so lately I've been thinking about how to put it to use.

The first idea would be for me to head on over to Portland, Oregon for a few days to visit Gurney. I looked into this and found driving there is out of the question, making flying a necessity. The problem with that is tickets are insane. Like over $700. Now there are some sites out there like kayak.com which find better offers. Using those sites the tickets are pre-scheduled. So for example there may be a $300 roundtrip deal but it may be for 3 days. Meaning you fly in, have a day or two there, and then you return on the 3rd day. Typically the good deals are for 4 days, departing on a Thurday and returning Monday. That's not too bad, but the price is still in the mid-$300s. Now considering I get to stay for free at Gurney's $300 isn't bad at all. So that's option 1 that I'm considering.

But then I found out about option 2, and is the basis for the joke my Mom thought of at the waiting room yesterday. There are organizations that offer volunteer programs in all sorts of different countries. The way these work is that you find a country and project in that country you are interested in supporting and sign up for a 1 - 12 week interval. Depending on the country there is a fee involved that covers the expense for the host family, reception at the airport, and a few other things. Generally I've found the fee to be about $500 for 1 week with about $100 more for each week you stay. And there's a $200 non-refundable application fee. The application fee is used to get all the paper work straight with the hosting country and prepare for your inclusion in the volunteer program.

So here are some of the programs. You can volunteer in Sri Lanka at an elephant orphanage. You can go to Nepal and teach the Buddhist Monks English in their monastaries. In Tibet you can teach the school children and orphans English. In Italy you can work on a mountain side preserving a naturally growing olive grove. You can go to Peru to work on rainforest conversation efforts, or go to the Galapagos Islands and help save the sea tortoises from extinction. This is so awesome. My top two at the moment are going to Tibet to work with the children and going to Peru. The Galapagos sounds amazing but that fee is around $1400. Italy is amazing, but I know this because I've already been there twice, and the description says do not underestimate that you will be working like a dog. However, they also say to make up for it that everyday you are given a lunch that will be the greatest meal you have ever had in your life. Nepal also sounds incredible and was the basis for my Mom's joke. It would be funny if I were to help teach the Monks English and in the process convert them to Catholicism. My reason for not wanting to go there is only that I think I would prefer to help out the children. The monks would probably be more amazing to meet but helping the children would likely bring far more joy. Maybe Nepal can be saved for another time or as a backup if Tibet doesn't come through. Helping out the Dumbo's in Sri Lanka would be about the most fun I could imagine having, but I remember praying every week at Mass when I was an undergrad for war-torn Sri Lanka. If you've forgotten, this is Peru. That's why I want to go. As for Tibet, it's Tibet. That's reason enough.

At the moment I am trying to do several things. First I need to confirm that the organizations I am interested in working with are legitimate. Hey, maybe you can help the one I am most interested in is called Rustic Volunteer and Travel. I think they are fine, but I would really sleep better hearing someone who knows tell me that. Next I need to get the paperwork in order. These volunteering sessions start on the first and third week of every month. I want to go the first week of November, but that means I only have three weeks to get everything in order. Fortunately I already have an updated passport. I would have no problem going the third week of November but that will taken up by that retreat I'm going on. But if November simply won't work then I'll just shoot for December. Unless something horrible stops me, I am planning on making this happen.

Now I realize this is a bit more expensive than $300. That $700 fee doesn't cover air-fare after all. However, I am willing to pay significantly more for a week's stay in the Himalayas than I am for a stay in Portland. Gurney I'm sure you understand. How much more I still don't have answer to. Booking a plane ticket to Tibet isn't exactly on most itineraries.

Second Worst

Pancake breakfast didn't happen last Friday. Instead it got pushed up to this coming Friday. Anyway, moving on today has been interesting. Lately my sister has noticed some urination problems. These problems have been occurring for the past few weeks. This morning at 4:00 she woke up needing to use the bathroom. As she was walking in, she felt a pain in her lower back that was unbearable, it was the very worst pain she has felt in her life. So she called up Mom and Dad. No my sister has no tact so I could just imagine this conversation. When you call someone at 4 in the morning the first thing you should do is clarify that everything is okay or at least put on a semblance of well being if you are lying in a puddle of your own blood with death approaching shortly. My sister on the hand starts the conversation to my Mom screaming bloody murder. Then my Mom comes to realize Brittany is experiencing some lower back pains. But being a good Mom she gets my Dad up and they head on over to Cincinnati at 5 in the morning to lend Brittany a helping hand.

About 10 minutes out, Dad's car begins to sound like a "choo-choo train" and they decide to turn around and get Mom's car. As they were pulling out of the driveway, Dad realizes he forgot his cellphone and pulls back in to begin the search. After a few moments of panic that he can't find it, he discovers it's sitting in his shirt pocket. Now they're ready to head out.

When they get there Brittany explains that she wants to go to Urgent Care rather than an emergency room. Dad, who over-reacts to which way the toilet paper hangs off the roll, felt the emergency room was more appropriate. Somehow, Brittany managed to win this fight and they proceed to the Urgent Care with slightly elevated tension levels. At 10:00 I'm abruptly awoken from my peaceful sleep by my Mom who decides to call. She filled me in on the whole story, but I get the sense the reason she called was because she wanted me to give me the background story of a funny joke she was thinking of. Here she is sitting in the waiting room, with Dad huffing and puffing like a madman, and she's laughing because she thought it would be very funny if I were to go to Tibet and convert the Buddhist Monks to Catholicism. To be fair this was not completely random, there is a background story to this joke, but you will have to wait a few days yet for those details.

About an hour and half later Brittany calls, interrupting me in the middle of 'Casino Royale'. She wants to let me know that the doctors say she has a urinary track infection and possibly kidney stones. I asked her if this is because she doesn't wipe properly but she assured me that is not the cause of her problem. Then she started telling me about the details of this morning. But in the middle of that Jake called me so I had to put her on hold to find out what he wanted. When I got back on the phone with Brittany she was not too pleased. Dad then picked up the phone to tell me I got brownie points for putting her on hold as she was describing to me the worst pain she ever felt in her life (ours is a loving family). Then he (now in a much better mood) handed the phone back to an upset Brittany. I then explained to her a funny joke on Curb Your Enthusiasm that was very much related to our current situation and another joke from South Park related to her condition, she laughed good and hard and then all was well. The doctors explained to her that the pain of kidney stones is the second worst pain we know of next to child birth. I explained to her that for the well endowed like me it's actually significantly worse because of the extra distance the stone has to travel. Utterly grossed out she decided this was a good point to end the conversation.

A few hours later I called her up to tell her about Mom's joke at the hospital. She told me Mom told her all about it. I then asked if they were gone yet and she said "Well they left a little while ago, but they came back to pick me up because they want to look at a house for sale with me." "They were up at 4 and instead of going home exhausted they are driving back to pick you up to look at a house for sale?" "Yes." "This is what cocaine does to you. Aren't you in pain?" "I just took my drugs and was laying in bed. They are starting to kick in too, I can feel myself losing control of my functions, and we are right now getting out of the car to go in." "Enjoy the trip. Ha." And with that she had to go.

Why So Serious?

Having a manager is tough. Gurney has been complaining that these latest posts are not humorous enough. Apparently, just being amusing is not enough. These have to be laugh out loud funny. I can't consistently have some gut-busting new post to tell nearly everyday. Gah, there's so much pressure.

Maybe I need another vacation to take my mind off the stresses of having a blog. The old saying goes that "God provides" and He may be coming through in spades right now. My situation at work isn't changing and it doesn't look like it's going to for quite sometime. And the talks with my managers have been interesting. All of them say emphatically that they will not ask an employee to take a vacation. However it's a different story, when asked whether or not they recommend I take a vacation. One said, it would be a good consideration if I have somewhere to go. Another simply said that now would be a good time to do so. But when asked if by not taking a vacation and instead continue charging to "Awaiting Coverage" I am increasing my chances of being laid off the answer varies from probably not to not. So I guess I will just keep charging to the company. Sorry Gurney no visits yet.

This post wasn't very funny either. I'll do my best to have something funny for you tomorrow. It should be easy enough. I will be seeing that girl again bright and early for Mass and pancakes, so there will be plenty of good opportunities for me to completely humiliate myself. Hmmm...that sort of sounds like Gurney is rooting for me to fail. I love friends.

Half Plus Seven

As a part of the preparation for the upcoming retreat in November, the team leader is supposed to come up with a sacrifice that we can all do to sort of generate some extra graces for the participants. For example, the first week we were asked to learn the "Hail Mary" in Latin ("Ave Maria", the same as that beautiful song). This past week we were asked to meet with one person on the team who didn't already know very well. The person I met with was Meghan. Meghan and I had both been on team for another retreat two years ago. We were already fairly well acquainted through that retreat but we've never hung out or anything, and we don't know anything about each other so we thought it would be a good "sacrifice" on both are parts to grab dinner together last night.

During dinner, we talked about everything and anything from grandma's with cancer to whether or not bars in the local area have swing dance nights (they do not in case you're curious). At some point she decided she needed to ask me about my lady situation. At this point I looked at my watch, and after some thought on it I felt there was enough time to give her a good overview of my trials.

Now at this point in the conversation she told me not to get discouraged, because I have plenty of time. To illustrate this point she told me about her friend, whose Dad, when she was in highschool, was 83! She was his only child and her Mom was his one and only wife! No way. The husband and wife had a 30 year difference. So therefore, according to Meghan, I have a 60 year to span to work from, starting from the pre-conceived to some of my friend's Moms. That would be so weird, being the step-Dad of my friends.

Toasty

The past few days have kept me a bit busy. I've been trying to write my talk and it's been taking away from my typical posting time. The talk has been a bit tricky for me. I've given it once before about 5 years ago and still have that original speech. I was very pleased with it and it has aged well. The problem with it is that I didn't feel that it reached the audience. Oh they greatly liked it, but the talk is on Christian Living and I want to stir in these people a renewed effort to either get on the right path or keep on it if they are already are. Last time I don't think I accomplished that.

So far the new talk has been slow going. But it's going. I don't actually give it until mid-November but I have to preview it twice, first this Thursday and then next Monday. Which means I at least need a good version of it ready to go. I can change it all I want after the fact but I need to have something soon.

Anyway that's why the blogs haven't been up to par. But to try and keep you entertained last night I went to a social where a lot of my friends were gathered. We were making smores around a fire pit. That girl I'm interested in also happened to be there. No I didn't talk to her, I couldn't think of any good conversation starters, but she did pay attention to the conversations I was having when she was nearby. I tried to be a bit sly though. The pertinent details are three seats at the fire pit. The left most seat was open, the middle seat was taken by my friend and the right most seat was occupied by the girl. I was behind them and wanted to sit down, particularly in that middle seat. Directly behind them, were I happened to be standing there was another row of people. And my friend and the girl had their marshmellows in the fire. So I decided to try and play it off that I couldn't get to the leftmost seat easily and asked my friend if he would mind scooting over to his left so I could get in (this created a nice gap for me to get in, it's sort of hard to describe without an illustration). And I got to sit next to the girl. I think though that my intention was a bit too obvious. At the time I was thinking about saying something like "Could you please scoot over, I can't get to the chair next to you easily with your sticks in the fire and the people behind me." It was more of a half truth than anything else. So out of ear shot I asked my friend, "was it obvious?" He knew what I meant and said "yep." Oh well, I still enjoyed my smores.

One of my friends on campus, who happens to be a girl, says my chief problem is that I need to act like a grown up. Her opinion is that I don't act mature enough. That's probably true, in public at least. One-on-one or at work, I find most people say I'm too serious and grown up, but when it's time to have fun I do tend to act like a little kid.

The thing about all of this is that just earlier that day I got a phone call from a guy who is having lady troubles and wanted my advice because he thinks I'm good around ladies. I just can't win. I feel like Hitch, minus being black, good-looking and cool.

Plumage

Yesterday I finished my current project at work that I've been working on for the past two weeks. On Monday a new project(s) will start. Or they would start if there were any to start. Yep, when I go into work on Monday I will have no billable customer work to perform. There is one customer I am still awaiting an e-mail from with about 60 hours worth of work that is coming but I do not know when I will hear from them. It could be Monday it could be Tuesday it could be a month from now. So with no real customer to charge the company has a few options. They can tell me to take a vacation, or a leave without pay for a few weeks. I have a little over 4 weeks of vacation time saved up so this can get me out of any real pickle for about a month. They could just lay me off. Since they have no work for me to do, laying me off is always an option. Or they could put me on overhead and allow me to charge to our company's savings. This year I was told to limit my overhead charging to 2% of my time which covers things like special meetings we are required to be at, or required training like an ethical standards in the workplace review. So putting me on overhead for a few weeks or months is no small issue.

Fortunately, as we all know, I am sensational and work will be putting me on overhead. I will be charging our 'awaiting coverage' task line. Work doesn't want to lay me off because we will be getting an $8 million contract which should get turned on in a few months. They need me to work this contract and laying me off would probably be more costly than putting me on overhead.

So now they need to find something to keep me occupied during this down time. The best thing in these cases is to invest that overhead money in me in the form of more education. Currently they want me to learn up on electronic warfare. That's pretty interesting. Here's an ex-graduate theologian studying electronic warfare. Oh well. So no worries yet, I suppose. I still have a job and they are wanting to invest even more into me. The only concern I have is that I am only the first of about 10 to 11 of us who will be in the same situation. Several more will be joining me at the end of the week and nearly all of us likely before the end of the month. That's a lot of overhead money being spent.

Speaking of electronic warfare I heard about a neat technology the other day. When a rocket is launced in the air, there's always all the smoke that comes out of it. Well apparently those rocket exhaust plumes are fairly unique to the rocket. It should be no surprise to you that we have satellites everywhere watching locations of interest 24-7. The technology is that when one of those rockets is launced that satellites can watch the plume and we can figure out what sort of rocket was launced. So if Iran were to launch one of it's missles we could simply look at the huge plume of smoke that comes out from it, even though the missle itself may be too small to see, and say "Hey, Iran just launced one of it's mid-range missles". I had no idea we could do this, but the phenomenology of rocket exhaust plumes is already a large area of research. There's a company slogan for you "We do what you think to be magic."