Fine Way to Start the Day

This is a good way to start any day. I'd say wait until you just wake up to watch this, it'll be better.



I wish I could have this much energy at 1:30 in the morning!

H20 Plus Nothing Please

Polls can give an interesting insight into the habits and thoughts of many people. Being that it's summer I had a troublesome question pop into my head earlier today. I was curious about how many people urinate outside of toilets. In particular I was curious about showers, pools, and beaches. The numbers are horrifying.

Let's start with our showers. According to a 2004 survey by VertiSpa, 42% of Americans urinate in the shower. When you're that close to the toliet this is just laziness.

In the ocean, a 2009 study by TripAdvisor found that 53% think it's fine. As if it weren't already polluted enough by the rest of the animals in there.

In the pool, a 2009 study by CNN found that 17% have done it!

I find that 17% number rather startling. So about 1 in 6 people do this. I am positive I have at least 5 friends. After all I think I have at least 3 readers. But me plus the five means that one of us almost assurdedly urinates in the pool. I do not. So I've narrowed my search down to five people. Out of everyone, WAM hopefully you contain yourself. After all you're supposed to be writing a book on these types of matters, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. That leaves four. Eew, I get sick feeling just thinking about that.

Horse Play

This weekend I was invited to a going away party. The girl who invited me on that retreat is heading off to France to become a nun. While there she will be spending several years studying Philosophy and Theology all in French, a language she doesn’t know yet. That is going to be really hard. They are already difficult subjects, particularly because you have to be very precise in your language. Imprecise language can lead people to draw wrong conclusions. I remember on my exams getting a lot red marks when I was being too general in my language and I wound up saying things that could easily be taken in ways I didn’t mean. So she has to learn all this from classes taught entirely in French. Also she probably has to learn Latin and Greek. It’s hard enough to learn a foreign language, but try learning one being taught to you in a language you haven’t learned yet. It’d be like learning trying to learn Norwegian over in China. That on top of the cultural changes, and the fact that she is thinking about becoming a nun, are enough to have us keep her in our prayers.

At this party I only knew a few of the people. Fortunately some of those people are very old and dear friends so I had a few folks to talk to. But they had friends and family visiting and it was a large party and it wasn’t like they were going to be babysit me the entire time so occasionally I had to keep myself entertained. Fortunately there were a ton of little kids running around. At one point I was by a swing hanging from a tree which is for little babies, because they can be strapped into it, when one little three year old came running up and asked me to make her fly. That seemed safe enough so I picked her up as quick as I could and took her as high as my arms would go. I was shocked about how easy this was. I thought she’d be a lot heavier. I did it again and this time I got her into the leaves of the tree which I thought was pretty neat, but one nearby Mommy, Sarge, told me to be careful. So I put her down and she ran off.

Not a moment later she was back, this time asking me to swing her by the arms. While I understood the mechanics of her request, it seemed like a horrific idea. I was already a stranger to most of these people, and I didn’t know if they’d be very pleased seeing me swinging one of the young ones around by her arms. I imagine most people would not like strangers flailing their children about by the arms. Also, I was concerned that during this swinging about that her arms might rip off her body. I felt that this would almost certainly guarantee my being asked to leave. So I asked Sarge if this would be alright, and she said the little girl would be fine. We already know I have a lot to learn about child raising, and just because I think something is odd, doesn’t mean it isn’t the entirely appropriate thing to do, and so Sarge’s approval on the matter was enough for me. I grabbed her by the hands and we started slow and gradually built up speed to the point where she could no longer keep up and she started flying in the air. All I could think about, as I started getting tired, was that she was not a discus and I couldn’t just let go. Most fortunately I did not let go and we both came to stop and wobbled around a bit from the dizziness. She wanted to go again, but I said I couldn’t so she ran off to whatever new thing had grabbed her attention.

And just a second later she was back asking me to put her on her shoulders. I asked her if we shouldn’t get better acquainted first, but she was insistent. I knelt down with my back to her to let her climb up but she didn’t get very far, and told me she couldn’t climb on. I asked her how to get her on my shoulders if she couldn’t climb on and she told me I had to lift her on. At first I couldn’t understand how I was supposed to lift her up and on. I can’t lift her from behind me, but after a little thought I finally puzzled through the physics. You’re supposed to pick them up from their behind and lift them up and over your head. And that worked fine.

Her six year old brother saw this and decided he wanted to play too. But he didn’t want on my shoulder, he wanted to play pirates and he started attacking me with his sword. Fortunately he didn’t swing it hard. Instead he was more like a fly. Yeah, they won’t hurt you but you can’t but help swatting it away. I grabbed it and started trying to pull it away, but he held on tight. So I started lifting and turning, essentially causing him to lift off the ground much like his sister before. Then he let go, but his hand got hurt in this process, I think it got a little pinched, and he was sort of crying. But I knew that while it must have hurt some, it couldn’t have hurt as much as his theatrics were trying to convey. I told him I knew he was faking and I wasn’t giving back the sword, and after trying a little bit more, he realized he was caught and ran over to the swing. I felt like I was in American Gladiators as he started swinging it at me like a big ball on a rope. Now I realize I could have simply walked away, or done any number of things here, but what I felt was a good idea was to kick it. I noticed it was at about a perfect height for me to kick it right back at him and hard. I thought it might hit him hard, but he had his hands up as he was pushing and they would stop it just fine. On the next push I kicked it back at him and hard. Oh my. It went a lot faster than I thought and for whatever the reason he had put his hands down, so it hit him right in the side of the face. And now he screamed for real. Realizing I was about to be thrown out of the party I prepared myself for the oncoming onslaught of furious mothers and generally everyone else at the party. But apparently no one saw because no one got up or even looked until after the screams occurred. They saw me go over to him and wrongly figured that this grown man must have some experience consoling children so I guess they considered the matter resolved and went back to their conversations. He was just hollering up a storm and even though I bent down and hugged him telling him he would be okay, it wasn’t working. Cutely his sister, still on my shoulders, patted him on the shoulders and told him he would be alright. I even offered him the sword. He reached out to grab it, but I said he still wasn’t getting it and pulled it away. That didn’t stop him from hollering any but I got a laugh out of it. At this point I realized he was going to be fine, despite the very real pain he had to be suffering through. Eventually Momma came over and did what they do best, and got him to settle down a bit. She asked, “what happened.” “The swing just hit him right in the head.” “Oh yes, these things happen.”

Knowing he was in good hands I left him be with his Mom and his sister started directing me around. But soon enough we were back by the swing, and not three minutes after I kicked that swing he was back again ready to go. He said that this time I was supposed to kick it as hard as I could and he would get out of the way really fast. I said no let’s not do this. He tried to insist, but being 3 minutes wiser I walked away. And with no sword he decided to try shooting fake laser beams at me. All’s well that ends well.

Served Without Maple Syrup

The other day my friend and I were talking about the loaded nachos that you can get at the club house where I live. They are pretty good. Actually most of the food there is excellent. For example their tacos, burgers, and fries are some of the best in town. Their fries in particular are quite good. They're waffle cut and made to order. Although now I feel the fries from Penn Station could possibly be better.

So we were talking about the nachos when all of a sudden he had a stroke of genius. Let's order the nachos but replace the chips with the waffle fries.


Amazing, I know. I did not know at the time but others have thought this up before my friend. This dish is called Irish Nachos, probably because it is made with potatos, and it is a triumph.

Nothing to do with Star Wars

Apparently Gurney is too hard at work to answer her phone. So I have decided to tell the entire world what would have been just my conversation with her. I was at the grocery store today getting the essentials when I noticed a boy walk by. That's when I realized it was Lucas.

Now Gurney knows who Lucas is but most of you probably do not. Lucas is blind or very close to it. As far as I understand his story, and Gurney it's your fault for not picking up the phone if I get the details wrong, his Mom died of cancer when he was very young. As a result he was sent to live with his Aunts. His Aunts took him in, but were not ever planning on having children let alone one with special needs. So they had to make some very rapid and drastic changes to their lifestyle. Where Gurney comes in is that she would occasionally take Lucas out for a day of fun to give his Aunts a break. And where I come in is that I joined in a couple times.

Lucas is an exceptionally sweet child. He just needs some extra care. When I was with him I found that this could particularly challenging. For me the difficulty lied with his desire to be physically close to others. So when he talked to me, he liked to be only a few inches, if not centimeters, away from my face. Now despite his trouble with vision, Lucas is much like other proper boys. By that I mean he is germy and dirty. If you are a young boy and are not germy and dirty in the summer time this is sorrowful. And once we took him out for pizza, a rather messy dish for a blind child. When he would talk to me he liked to have his mouth inches from my face. I suppose it was very cute, but I had comfort issues. Other people who do not mind this sort of close physical proximity would just have had a ball, but it was difficult for me.

So I ran into him at the grocery store and wanted an update on his life for Gurney. The problem was I couldn't remember his name. It had been a couple years since I had seen him or heard about him. I didn't know a tactful way to handle the situation so I just asked his Aunt and she told me his name. He's now in the 8th grade, when I last saw him he was in the 5th, and is much taller now. When I saw him in the store I nearly didn't recognize him. But some things do not change, he still was all about being close to others. His Aunt said he is doing very well. I wanted to try and ask him some questions but found myself failing to come up with any good ones. Like I nearly asked him if he has gotten into any sports, after all he was wearing a very atheltic outfit, or if he's played any good video games lately, but then I realized those might not be the best questions to ask.

And that's the update on Lucas. Going into the 8th grade and has grown maybe as many inches.

Lipsticking Cars

Today is Monday, but I want it to be Tasteful Thursday because I can't think of a good name for Monday to go with this article. Lately I've noticed water building up in the driver and passenger floors of my Pilot. In fact, Kelly noticed on the passenger side how her feet were essentially in puddles. During the winter I noticed on some mornings the insides of the windows would be frosted over, so I thought all this water was the winter frost unfreezing. And I thought all that frost was from the water vapor in my breath. Let us forget the fact that this has never happened in any car I have ever owned prior to this occasion. So I figured all this water build up will simply go away once the days heat up and it can evaporate.

But spring time came around and we had some hot days and the water didn't go away. In fact it seemed to get worse. About this time I needed new brakes, so I took it in to get those replaced and asked them to look for a clog because maybe my air conditioning wasn't properly draining water. Not that I had used it very much up to this point, but since I felt that water vapor could create puddles let us not be surprised that I felt that running my air conditioning a couple times could cause floods. Also I noticed that when I did use it, water wasn't coming out of the tail pipe like it sometimes does on other cars.

Sure enough they found a clog, and I was happy. But after driving it for a few weeks after that the puddles were back. I also noticed the water wasn't draining out of the tail pipes like I thought it should be. So I took it back to the car folks and asked them to recheck that they got all the clogs. They did and were certain my water build up was not from the air conditioning. Well that was odd to me because any other leaks in the car should certainly get other things wet than just the underside of my floor boards. At this point I had determined that the water appeared to be coming from the bottom up rather than from the top down. For example, my puddles did not appear to be coming from leaks around my windows that dripped down onto the carpet, but rather they seemed to be coming from under the carpet and coming up like a spring.

This oddity perplexed them too and they decided for a handsome fee to remove the carpet altogether to have a better look. Pay attention to that. They removed the carpet and if they found nothing they could still charge me because this way they could be sure when they put the carpet back in it would be nice and dry and that way I wouldn't have to smell mold. For $450 I can roll down the windows and put an air-freshener in. But it is what it is.
Today I got a call from them.
It went a little like this:
"Hi, did you have a sun roof installed?"
"No, it came with the car."
"I see, well that is the cause of the leak. See sun roofs have a built in drainage system so that water doesn't get into your car. But this drainage system wasn't properly installed and now it is draining under your passenger side floorboards and has a caused a lot of rust and if it were allowed to continue you would have had major structural damage not to mention the mold and spores. So it is great that you took it in."
"This all makes sense I suppose. (Actually it made no sense. I thought that's what seals were for. I didn't see why my sun roof needed internal drainage if it had weather sealers. It's not like our car doors have internal drainage systems. But I'm not mechanical engineer). But the first question you asked was if I had the sun roof installed. I did not. In fact I got the car from my grandparents and I am positive they would not have had one installed. Are we sure it didn't come with it so that we can bill this to the manufacturer?"
"We checked the VIN number and sure enough your car didn't come with a sun roof. That means the dealership installed it."
"How horrible. What will this repair run me?"
"A little over $900."

Not having much experience at buying new cars I didn't know this sort of thing occurs. By that I mean I didn't know that dealerships will augment cars to make them more attractive to purchasers if the manufacturer defaults don't appear to be enough. So the dealership added a sun roof to make the car more attractive to potential buyers. I guess a lot of products have this happen to them. We go from painting oranges orange to photoshoping magazine photos. So a dealership adding a sun roof shouldn't be surprising. Especially since this has happened to me before. Last year I had a crack in the front window of kitty-cat and I had a new window installed. I asked for a window with the wires in it, because my current window had the wires in it that allowed it to defrost. I thought that was so cool, that I could defrost both my rear and front windows. Not that I had ever figured out how to defrost the front windows. I noticed my owner's manaual didn't quite agree with the button layout I had in my car. So the repair man came and took out my front window, but as he was getting ready to install the new one it broke on him and he had to get a new one. During this process he noticed something. While my old window did have those wires, he noticed that the two main wires, to which the smaller ones plug in which then plugs into the car, were cut. So the person who installed this window simply put it in for show. There was no where to plug the wires into, so they cut the wires and simply made it look like the car could defrost the front window. Now I do not know for certain if this was a dealership move, but I am fairly positive given the history of the car that it was.

So to end this Tasteful Thursday on a Monday article always check your cars from a dealership to see what if anything they did to it after they received it from the manufacturer or previous owner, and if they offer any warranties on their work. Let's keep it classy.

Update. Okay this isn't really an update since I haven't posted yet, but I was trying to think of a title and I started thinking about lipstick. I was clearly naive and thought dealerships wouldn't change a car to make it look better. I also thought that if they did change a car that the work they did would be top notch because they'd have qualified people do the work. Then I realized this is like me thinking that all girls can apply makeup in a manner that will enhancement their appearance. If you are confused it is likened to the idea that anyone from Asia is a master at martial arts. So I often today I find the skill young woman have at applying makeup is a travesty. All Mom's should teach their daughters how to wear makeup. And if you don't have a Mom to teach you then you watch one of those style-based networks that are so addictive, or go to a department store at a mall and ask. There is an art to it, and while the art of an inexperienced 4 year old is exceptionally cute it is upsetting when that same art is produced by any one older and made out to be a masterpiece. Clowns belong in the circus.

Hello Goodbye

This past week I have been on travel back to where I was last month. I didn't have ice-cream this time from the nice stop though. Instead I decided to try new brands from the grocery store, although I feel a little bad about not supporting the local businesses. The brands I tried were interesting, I got a blackberry flavored brand and another that is like carrot cake.

The last time I was here, Sarah was back where we live just hanging out. It was her first time all year where she didn't have to worry about school and was in town. That made me being here particularly aggravating. Shortly after I got back she went home to visit her family and receive her friend from Scotland. Her friend is Chinese by descent and actually lived there for a number of years before moving to Scotland. But she doesn't have a Chinese accent, she has an English accent, so she's pretty amazing to talk to. I know this because after being home for about a week they both came back to where I live for a week. And their last night in we all got to hang out. Other than that, Sarah and I mostly just got to talk when we happened to run into each other around the apartment complex.

So she went back home to spend the last few days with her friend and I went off on my business trip and here we are. Tomorrow I go back, but she is going to be staying at home for awhile longer because she is helping her parents around their house.

So it seems like Sarah and I get to meet to say goodbye. The first date has still yet to occur. But the few times we do get to meet up things go about as well as could ever be hoped for. Like for example, the night I came back into town last time I got in around 11. But Sarah and I still met up to go on a walk around the complex and spent a little over an hour together outside by the pond. The next day we were supposed to go on a picnic but she got sick, possibly from food poisioning, so I made her homemade chicken soup and took it to her. I had never made chicken soup but it came out really well and she ate all of it. Unfortunately that didn't help her stomach any and she was sick for the rest of the evening and we didn't get to meet that night. But we did get to spend the day time together outside again by the pond. Nevertheless, with all this spearation coupled with very little communication, I suppose it should be easy to start to grow concerned about our situation, which is not likely to improve for the next week or even longer due to another out of country friend of hers, this time from Australia, possibly coming in to visit. But I have carrot cake ice-cream and it's hard to be worried when you have carrot cake ice-cream to help pull you through.

Beat Those Eggs

The other day I had a hankering for Key Lime Pie. When I desire key lime pie it comes as a surprise because I do not particularly care for the pie or even for limes in general. For me they are just too tart or sour or whatever flavor it is about them that makes me pucker my mouth. But nevertheless occasionally I get cravings for the pie. I think it's the color that attracts me. The pie has that nice green color that really works well against the brown crust. So it looks really appetizing. If this sounds weird I think it's similar to vanilla which smells so good but tastes so bad. That smell makes me want to eat, just as that look of the pie makes me want to eat it.

And so the other day I made one. Nearly from scratch, but I decided to use the pre-made graham cracker crust. The interesting part about making the pie was the topping. The pie part required two egg yolks. I hate being wasteful and now I had two egg whites. So I decided to make a meringue topping rather than use whipped cream. The idea behind meringue is that if you beat the whites and add sugar, and just keep beating them, eventually you get this amazing white fluffy concoction. It really does take a while though. Like I was sitting there beating the eggs and the sugar and nothing was happening. But after a couple minutes eventually everything changed. That was so cool. Okay, probably most of us have at least seen this before, but I haven't done it myself before and I thought it was cool enough to warrant posting about.

The other thing I learned about key lime pie is that the green color is artificially produced with food coloring. That took some of the magic out of it, because I thought lime juice would be green. But it was fun adding the food coloring. I felt like an artist adding dabs of yellow and green to get just the right color.

And with that right color and fluffy white topping the pie really looks great. The problem is it still tastes like limes.