Mixed Signals

Last Friday was Mass and pancakes, and wonder of wonders things went pretty well. It just so happened that again I got to sit next to the girl I was interested in at breakfast. Everyone was having so much fun that even after we had paid we looked at the time and decided none of us really wanted to leave so we sat around for another 15 minutes. I did get a chance to bring up my working-holiday idea (now in limbo) and that stimulated more conversation too. Nevertheless I still wouldn't say much headway was met. I suppose in an ideal situation the next step would be to ask her to something else, but I'm still trying to do damage control from all the previous fiascos. Baby steps.

My hope is that I can give a stellar talk on this retreat. The way things work is that on the Saturday night of the retreat, there is a giant reunion were people on the past retreats come out and there's a big social. Now during this time-period the people on the current retreat are introduced, both participants and team members. I happen to be giving my talk sometime Saturday before the social. So the idea is that if I can manage to give an amazing presentation then when I get called out hopefully there will be a big applause by the participants. Big enough that the girl I'm interested in will take notice. Well that's the idea anyway.

I told all of this to one of the two team leaders on Friday. She thought the whole thing was pretty funny but agreed with me that it was a good idea. Earlier on Friday she and the other team leader had to talk to me about my talk. See on Monday I had to preview it for the team, and then I was asked to leave the room so the other team members could talk about what they liked and what needed improvement. Generally these last all of 5 minutes but I was out there for at least 15. Although it wasn't too bad because it just so happened that the girl I'm interested in was out there and I got some face time with her. Anyway, after being out there for so long I was greatly concerned that my talk was not well received. And when I came back in the room it's not like everyone was jumping up to tell me I did a good job. In fact I got very few compliments and they were from people who are sort of complimentary anyway so it's hard to tell just how much they liked it. So now Friday rolls around and I'm really anxious to hear about what went wrong. But to my surprise I was told the group loved the talk. All I really had to do was fix up the few areas that might have been a bit too insensitive. For example 'beating babies' has become 'beating baby seals'. This way I won't upset anyone who may have been beaten as a child. Then later on Friday night when I was talking with that team leader, I asked her what she thought about our team. She said she had been on a few truly fantastic teams in the past and had set an impossibly high standard for our retreat. This worried hear a bit, but she said that the past meeting on Monday changed her mind and she now thinks we have an awesome team. I then asked her what happened on Monday's meeting to make her feel that way, because at least to me it seemed like any other meeting. She said my talk was so amazing that when I was giving it she was looking around the room and could see the team drawing closer together. She said when I left everyone just clicked. Well that was a very nice compliment. Later on we were talking about the timing of the retreat. By that I mean the scheduling of events during the retreat. She told me that everything is really tight and planned to the minute. Like the schedule might say from 10:43-10:45 do something. But then I remembered that earlier in the day when I was getting critiqued on my talk they said it was 5 minutes over my allotted time. And when all was said and done, they actually wanted me to add more. So I asked her what am I supposed to do, was there anything I could get rid of to get back on time and still be able to add everything else they wanted. And she said to take all the time I want, they'll find away to make things work if I go over. Wow, another really nice compliment.

The reason I'm telling you this is not to toot my horn, if that speech is good and not totally off-putting like everything else I say it's only by some great grace above. Yesterday I was talking to Mom. Both my parents knew how anxious I was about how my speech was received and that I felt it had gone very bad. So I told her about my meeting and then the time I spent with my team leader. It had turned out that my team leader and I talked till a little after 1 in the morning for about 4 hours. Immediately my Mom demanded that I call the girl up and ask her out to 'Where the Wild Things Are' and dinner. And I said no way. First I don't want to see the movie, second it was too soon, third I'm not interested in her that way, and fourth even if I was interested she is leaving at the end of the semester (okay so is the girl I'm interested in but this is different somehow). Of course she didn't listen to me, but eventually I managed to get her off the phone. At this point I looked at my watch. I wanted to see the time because I knew not 5 minutes from then my Dad would be calling. And sure enough, not 5 minutes later he is on the phone telling me that I have to call her. I didn't know I was in such a hopeless position! If a girl so much as pays me a compliment it must be a sign that she wants to date me. Hmm. Or maybe they think there's so little to compliment about me that if anyone can find something to compliment me about then they must be a cut above the rest. Well that's just silly. Everyone knows I'm sensational. I think Mom and Dad are just getting desperate for some grandkids.