Me 25 Years From Now

Gracious. Tonight I decided to take a break and watch a movie on TV. Even though I've seen it before, On Demand had Roadhouse for free in HD and that intrigued me. So I flipped it on, made a frozen pizza, ate half of it, had two huge glasses of orange juice, and then, because the movie is about bars afterall, poured myself an adult beverage. I basically took lots of Grenadine (cherry syrup), ice, a splash of rum and put it in a cup. I was fine sitting there, but when I got up I found I must have poured more than a splash. I was very dizzy. Alcohol for me is like sleeping medicine. Just a swallow is enough to make me want to crash. This is why I hardly ever drink it. Generally, from the moment I spring out of bed until finally late at night when I crash dead, I run on a sugar high all day long. Alcohol brings that crash, and I hate the feeling other than when it's time for bed, and right now it's not time for bed. And clearly I have no tolerance for it, considering how much I had ate for dinner. But despite having a very difficult time keeping my eyes open at the moment, I have something I want to talk about tonight.

Privacy landscaping is an artform. There are all sorts of mediums people will use to create a sense of privacy around their homes. For example, the less inspired may put up a picket fence. I do not like the white picket fence look to create privacy. When the fence comes up about elbow height it's fine, because then it's decoration, but much taller than that and I don't like it. It's not so much the fence itself I dislike as it is what comes with it. White picket fences have to be maintained if they are going to look right. You have to edge the grass around them, which leaves grass stains, and you have to paint them. Both of these actions, edging and painting I hate. Those are the two chores I cannot stand. I will do anything with a smile before those two things. And the problem is, that they are necessary if you're going to have a half way decent looking picket fence. From my experience families do not properly maintain their fences and as a result they look bad. If they would take the time to care for them properly, then I do like the look.

When it comes to privacy I prefer natural plants. For example, one type of barrier I've seen is created by bamboo. I've seen houses that will have bamboo walls marking the boundaries of their lawns. Bamboo is cool because it's exotic. But the problem with it is that it is a grass and as such it will grow everywhere. So before you plant it, you have to make sure you put it in some type of containment otherwise it will take over your lawn. My friend back home planted two shoots in his backyard on the hill side. Now that hill side has a few thousand shoots. And it's not like you can lawn mow a bamboo forest. Another cool type of privacy barrier is pampus grass. I just like the look of the stuff. Its problem is that it is seasonal. So are trees, but with trees the leaves fall for you, while the pampus grass just stays there. This requires you to have to cut it down each year in the fall, and then wait for it to grow back to full height in the spring.

Back home in Chilli-bobo-land, my family has large shrub that prevents the neighbors next door from seeing our patio where we may want to eat out at night. It's a nice shrub that produces large flowers, and is fairly easily to maintain. All you have to do is trim it about twice a year. Trimming I do not mind, but this shrub has grown into a monster. It grows very quickly, so you really do need to trim it twice a year, and it's tall so you have to get a ladder out. This wouldn't be so bad, but the shrub is a bit wide. Consequently to get all of the top you have to perch near the top of that ladder, and reach out blindly with the electric trimmer. It really helps your prayer life, because this whole while you are begging God not to let you or the ladder fall and plunge into that eletric trimmer. The shrub also is covered in pollen. When you start to trim that pollen fills the air so thick its dazzling. It gets in your eyes, lungs and on your skin. And then when you sweat it burns. I was just home last weekend and while I was cutting the backyard, I saw that Dad had increased the sodline around it. Why he did this I'll never know because now it's only going to get wider making it ever the more difficult to get the whole top of it trimmed.

Today he trimmed it, and below is a snapshot my Mom took of him. You can tell by his smile that he is a sick sick man.

You may be wondering why he is wearing a winter hat. When I first saw these photos I thought that maybe he lost all of his ball caps. You see, he is a bit bald on top and the sun will burn his head so he needs to wear something. But then I remembered he has more than one of these caps and it's not like he could have lost them all. So I asked him, "Dad, why are you wearing a winter hat in these pictures?" To which he replied, "I was pretending I was in the hood." Sigh, say hello to future me.

Number 5

When I woke up this morning and saw that red sunrise I thought "Red sky at morn sailors take warn." And sure enough, it's gloomy and raining out. Although I can see from my window here that the ducks are loving it. I can even hear them quaking. And I suppose this weather is nice and appropriate for today's topic which is my final piece on the sorrowful mysteries.

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to write on these other than that I do think on them quite a bit. Also, the closing of the School of Theology earlier this year sort of destroyed my outlet. So far the only thing I've heard about these is that they are not well received. But no matter, I like them and this is my blog.

The 5th sorrowful mystery is the Crucifixion. I'm not a big fan of this one. Typically I have each decade of the rosary devoted towards a special intention. For example, Mom and Dad get the second decade. Well the fifth I save for my most worldly material concerns, which touches on things I probably shouldn't be wasting a whole decade on. So here I am praying for a hot girl friend or something like that, while meditating on Jesus hanging on the Cross which is partially on account of my own actions. To make it worse, I'm praying to His Mom who had was there watching it all.

I remember one year when I was little, being in Odyssey of the Mind. When I was little I was hardly well behaved (not that I am now), and this one night I was a bit rowdier than usual. Dad was pretty furious at me, and even though I knew it was a long shot on the way home I asked if we were going to stop for ice-cream. I did not get ice-cream that night. I guess I haven't changed much. Even though I'm still as bad as ever I'm still asking the very people I've offended to give me what I want. My hope is that Jesus isn't quite so stern as Dad, and since hope is the second greatest virtue I figure praying for that hot girl friend is actually sanctifying because I give that virtue such a good workout.

Even though it's been completely ruined by TV Evangelicals, and Kumbaya-lovers, 'I have decided to follow Jesus' is actually not all that bad. As kids we used to sing it all the time at school Masses. Now it gets no air time, except when it's being ruined. Anyway, I find the second verse to be a great mantra when I find myself in prickly situations, "The Cross before me, the world behind me." At Easter Mass this year, the priest, an African African, sang it with his great accent solo style during his homily. He even was doing some hand motions. It was all disgustingly cute, but the message wasn't lost on anyone. And it has a good point.

There you have it. Fantastically, the rain has stopped and there's some sunshine coming through. So I have to go now. I don't yet know if I'll have a good lighter topic to post on tomorrow or not, but I'll try to think of something.

Timeless Question Answered

Alright, I am finally ready (see Ticklin' the Ivories), on this Tasteful Thursday, to present my findings on a topic I have been researching for awhile now. This research spanned several shops, long night internet searches, and personal interviews with family members and co-workers. I even put off working on my other projects just so that I could finish up my studies and get to you my critical analysis on today's subject: underwear.

I do not shop for underwear often. In my adult life I believe I have only gone out and bought a pair once. There is a twofold reason for this. First I usually get them at different times in the year from my Mom who seems to know when its time to get these things and she just throws me a package and says here you go. It's sort of like how she just seems to always know when I need a haircut. The second reason is simply because it's not like I've got anyone else in my life who is going to be seeing it. So long as that elastic band is still functioning, I see little reason to throw it out. But this Christmas Mom was not on the ball, and while my elastic still works I thought it might be time for some new pairs anyway.

So a few weeks ago I went to the mall and started looking around. First I went to nicer shops (nicer for Podunk, Illinois) and saw the prices were quite high. Then I went into the department stores and saw that they too were a little high. We're talking $20 for a three pack. Now while that won't break the bank, I decided to come back home and do some research on the matter. There are so many choices and styles it's difficult to get a grasp of it all from one visit to the mall.

For this blog we will concentrate on the three main types, briefs, boxers and boxer briefs. Let's start with boxer briefs. Boxer briefs are stupid. They look like bike shorts. There's a reason why bike shorts aren't work as regular clothes. It's because they look ridiculous. I cannot imagine why someone would wear them, but apparently they are all the rage nowadays and I hear even the ladies like them. As a result of the increased demand, this ugly clothing line is priced higher. I'm so sick and tired of our wishy-washy culture. Take a stand people, it's either boxers or briefs. There is no middle ground. People who wear boxer briefs are not stylish they're cowards.

Next up are boxers. Boxers also generally look stupid, but for some reason it's like a boys entrance into manhood when he throws out the briefs and slaps on the boxers. For people with little stock or no backend I can understand why boxers would be preferred. They hide a lot. But it's sort of like a scrawny guy wearing a large shirt to look bigger. He really isn't fooling anybody. But there are plenty of practical reasons why boxers are not the best choice. First off because they don't hug the skin as briefs do, they tend to ride up the legs or cause wedgies. For people who sit at a desk all day the ride up effect becomes very noticeable. The next problem with boxers is the issue caused by dangling. Girls you may not realize this, but guys almost always have a few driblets left after they use the bathroom. We certainly don't wipe and have to shake too vigorously to get rid of it all. As a result, underwear can help catch these spare droplets. But for people who wear boxers, there's a very real problem that those droplets won't get caught by the boxers because they don't hug the skin. Consequently those drips can start running down your leg. This is disgusting. Another problem with boxers is that they offer no support or concealment. If you've haven't got enough weight to require support I suppose it's fine. But I gotta tell you that I dislike not having it so much that I even wear my briefs to bed at night. Having your parts just flap around all willy-nilly is no fun. Girls this is similar to why you wear sports bras. The concealment issue with boxers is that they do not conceal excitement very well. Again girls, you may think this shouldn't be an issue but sometimes things can happen involuntarily, such as at inopportune moments like during Mass or when hugging people.

So for me briefs are the way to go. First they just look good. If you have the body always wear briefs. You would never see a bodybuilder wearing boxers. But if you don't have the body go with boxers. Looking bad in boxers is still passable. Looking bad in briefs will cause permanent damage. In general you want to be able to fill or at least make an impression on both the front and back of the briefs. Next up, briefs do not ride up and they tend not wedgie.

When picking briefs there are many things to consider. First off you get what you pay for. Briefs are just like clothes. If you get a ten pack for a dollar you're going to have a bit of a situation on your hands. I think a lot of people think that a shirt is a shirt. This is just not true. There are reasons why some shirts cost $8 and others cost $100. The material and construction make noticeable differences in both the feel and look. Now I'm not about to justify buying a $100 t-shirt, but my point is there is a noticeable difference and to some that luxury may be worth the extra cost. With underwear the best I've found also happens to be the most expensive. It's made by Zimmerli over in Switzerland. Unfortunately their briefs go for between $40 and $60. That's a bit much. Coincidentally Ben Silver, which is a clothing store I like over in Charleston, SC on Kings Street, sells this brand.

Since I'm not entirely made of money, I have to resort to the regular department stores. Yesterday I bought a brand of 2xist. 2xist has gotten very good reviews, and is very affordable. A two pack cost me $8. I tried it on at home and found that while the material was very nice, the opening around my legs was a bit too tight. People at work today said I shouldn't take them back since I tried them on, but Mom said it was perfectly fine and she was right, or at least the store took them back. I think for now I'm going to stick with either BVD or Stafford. They're comfortable, look alright, and are affordable. I'd still like to someday get one of the fancier brands, but living in the middle of nowhere makes that difficult.

There is still so much to say on this subject, but I think I have given you a good start in the right direction. In general I find that no matter what the condition or style you wear, ultimately what really matters is that you at least keep them clean. Like your Mom told you growing up, don't get caught wearing stained drawers.

50 Year Wait

My subconscious is an idiot. The whole point of repressing memories is because I don't want to think about them. Which means I don't want to dream about them either. But last night my head decided it would be a great idea. At first the dream was one of my more unique ones, so even though I knew I was walking into iffy territory I wanted to see where it was going to go, but soon enough it started getting all self-reflective on me and after a short awhile I had quite enough of it and decided to wake myself up. This was at 3:00 and I was all happy because I knew I still had another 3 hours of sleep left. I quickly fell back to sleep, had some delightful dreams about being James Bond shooting the bad guys and getting the girl (not making that up), and then bright and early I was up and about. The problem was that stupid dream from 3:00 wasn't out of my head and it put me in a funk for the rest of the day, which is now how you are finding me.

But that's not what I want to talk about. I hate hearing about other people's dreams unless I'm in them and I doubt you want to hear about mine. What I want to talk about is what happened to me while I was typing up my post from last Thursday (see Ticklin' the Ivories). While I was typing it up here in my room I happened to look outside and saw a lady jogging around the pond. I was about 80% sure she was a married lady I've seen hanging around the club house, but because she's a bit of a socialite around there I thought she'd be a good person to get to know. So I stopped my typing, ran outside, and started walking in the opposite direction of her. I walked in the opposite direction because the path loops around the lake so sooner or later I was bound to bump into her unless she happened to stop earlier on. And as planned I did pass her by three times. These three times she was with her husband, but they both said Hi, and she said it like she was greeting an old friend. So that was good because now I am a little more familiar to them when I see them around the club house and maybe they'll introduce themselves and I can meet new people.

As I was walking around I saw an old man with a broom knocking off the spiderwebs that had collected around his patio. I decided to stop and talk to him, and started the conversation by complaining to him about how when I do that, 3 floors up no less (spiders shouldn't climb so high), the spider webs are back in a day, so it's like why should I even bother. And then the conversation started.

His name is Joe, and the first thing he wanted to know was my name, age, occupation, duration of my living here, and if I was married. He then called out his wife to meet me because his memory isn't so good anymore and he didn't want to completely forget my name so he had his wife remember it for him. He told me that he has a PhD and 48 patents, but that lately his brains have been failing him, although his memory is still keen. Then he proceeded to tell me that he was born in 1930, in Checkoslovakia, just as the Great Depression was starting to get underway. He was going to school when World War 2 broke out, and his father sent the family to England which he thought was safer, although the father staid back in order to keep working. In England (I think. It was hard to keep all the details straight and understand him) he learned 5 years of German, 4 years of Latin, and 3 years of French. He also picked up Russian, and of course he could speak Slovak. Then after the war he moved to the United States. He said it only took him 3 weeks to learn English, since English is 60% German and 40% Latin. While he was here he entered High School.

In High School, Joe met a girl and they got very close. But after High School she went to South Carolina for college and he to New York for college. She met a guy, they got very friendly, and married. And later Joe met a girl and got married. He had 6 children, although one has died. About 12 years ago or so, he and his wife decided to go visit their old highschools. When he got to his, Joe asked if anyone had seen or heard from Ann, his old High School friend. Conincidentally, one of the workers had. Ann had been there five years earlier and alone, her husband had died. Joe was sad for her, but decided not to contact her because he was now married and didn't think it would be appropriate calling up an old girl friend like that. About a year later, Joe's wife died. They had been married for 48 years. At the time he was flying airplanes, shipping goods from one location to another, but he found that when he would get home in the evening he got lonely. So he decided to call up the High School to see if Ann had left any contact information. She had, and he called her up. They talked for two weeks, and decided to meet up. And very quickly they decided to marry. That was in 2001 and he was about 71, and they're still together today, happy as can be.

And that is Joe. He gave me a little slip of paper with his and his wife's name, address, phone number, and e-mail (it's awesome he uses e-mail) and then asked me for mine. I get the impression he's going to try and hook me up with someone. I asked if he was Catholic because of the Latin and that he was thinking of going to a Catholic college with all guys and he said he very much is. He asked if I am, and seemed to get a kick out the fact that I am.

I haven't heard from him yet, but I'm sure I'll see him around. After we finished talking, I finished my loop around the lake (the joggers had long since stopped) and finished my blog entry for the day.

Uh-oh

It's been a few posts now since I've had a funny, so I thought I'd share with you one of the stories my friends and I were reminiscing on at the bar (see Watering Hole). Back when we were in the fourth or fifth grade one of my friends had a sleep over. This friend of mine has two younger brothers. The middle is Mike. Let's meet Mike. Mike reminds me of Ralph from the Simpsons. He's not too bright but terribly kind, and had a rather high pitched voice despite his great size. Now at the time Mike was probably in the first or second grade. And at that time Mike loved Spaghetti-Ohs. It was his favorite and he would eat massive helpings. But on the particular night of the sleep over there were no Spaghetti-Ohs to be found. I mean they were out, not a can anywhere. Nothing. And for whatever the reason, the parents happened to be away. So Mike, desperate with no where to turn, went to the only place he knew he could for help. . .

Lately I have seen a lot of articles in the news about young children or even babies calling 911, but I have not yet heard of a case quite so moving as the case of the young boy who ran out of Spaghetti-Ohs.

Never Are the Times So Sweet

The family reunion was easily the best time I've had since early January. I love getting to see everybody, but other than the reunion I very rarely get to. The reunion is my Dad's Mom's family reunion. She had twelve other siblings. You'd think this would mean we'd have a huge reunion but it's typically pretty small.

This year one of my two older cousins came in from California. I haven't gotten to see him in years. The last time he was in was around Christmas about 6 years ago. But I couldn't go visit because I was stuck here taking a Quantum Physics exam during the last available final exam slot, from 7 - 10 pm on a Saturday. For the past several years he has been spending his time surfing. He fell in love with the sport and ever since has been working just long enough each day to pay his bills. Every other moment is spent out on his board. He takes trips to. Like he'll go over to South America or some other place with a beach and travel up the coast. He'll meet other surfers out there and spend his nights at their place. If he doesn't meet anyone he sleeps on the beach. Now that he's getting older he's settling down and working on becoming a registered nurse. He's completed his first year of school and has two more to go. The guy is incredibly bright, when he finished up his undergraduate studies in Biology (I think it was) one of his professors invited him out to the Galapagos to do a research project. He turned it down though. I remember when I was a really little kid and he was a teenager, he used to always wear baseball caps. And I would always try to steal it off his head. I have no idea why I did this, but I was also a very annoying kid.

I always wanted to have more siblings which is why I think I love my family reunions so much because my cousins are the closest I've got. I have 5 cousins on my Dad's side and 4 on my Mom's side. Of them all, I am the third eldest.

Another interesting family member is one of my Uncles. He married my Dad's older sister. Although he is old enough to probably be her Dad. I think they are probably close to 15 years apart if not more. He's close to his 80s now. Right now he's pretty much retired but he still does lawn care as a side job. He's got over 300 yards that he fertilizes with one of those old push fertilizers that you walk around with and it shoots out the fertilizer. So for being close to 80 that's really good. But you wouldn't believe his age if you saw him. He doesn't look a day over 60. The only thing that ages him is his hair which, while full, is quite gray.

Like all families, ours has our share of problems. But we don't address them. The common position our family takes on difficult times is to bottle it up and then let it explode behind closed doors. It was interesting to see all the subtle signs of various members trying to keep their cool when some of the touchy subject matters were brought up. And my own immediate family is no exception. I think that overall we're pretty close, and that as the older generation gets even older and starts needing a bit more attention it will help bring us all even closer together. I also think that is one of the benefits of having a large family. I think large families have a better chance of staying together versus the small ones.

While my family is not very large, these few hour reunions never seem to be nearly long enough. Oh well, maybe some of my cousins will start getting hitched and then we can all meet up again at the wedding. I'm a hopeless wonder in that department, but a few of my cousins seem to be getting along much better. In fact one is engaged but the wedding isn't until next October.

Attached is the latest picture of me and my cousins. It's not quite complete, we are missing my other cousin who is in California, but it's been a long time since this many of us have been together. The last time I think we had one of these taken, I was still being cute and parting my hair on the side.

Fig.1) Me, Carrie, Kent (Carrie's boo), Jacklyn, Joe, Brittany, Daryl

Watering Hole

Global Warming is the best. I am completely for not stopping whatever it is we are doing to the atmosphere. And no I don't have any care for the polar bears. If they were cute and cuddly that would be one thing, but they wouldn't think twice about eating your face. As far as I'm concerned they can evolve or go away, but either way I don't really care so long as this beautiful weather stays. In fact the only thing keeping me from going out and burning styrofoam right now is that I have too much to say.

As you hopefully know (see Homebound if you don't know), I went home this weekend for my family reunion. And on Friday night I met up with one of my old childhood friends. We ended up going to Crosskeys. Crosskeys is one of the local bars whose manager and main bartender is also a friend of ours. Crosskeys is a bar for people who are not looking for a good time. You do not go to Crosskeys to pick up girls, dance or be a socialite. It's the type of place you dress down for, like unwashed dirty Blair's Farm and Fleet is fine. But that's also why I like this bar. No one is trying to make an impression on anyone.

My friend and I go up to the counter, order our drinks and start talking with the bartender. Not having seen these guys in about a year I want the local news. For the most part little has changed. The biggest news is that the Department of Energy (DOE) is pulling back on their guarantee of a $2Bil loan to the atomic plant over in Piketon. The plant needs it to secure the loans from the banks. The money is for building a major expansion to the plant. But since the guarantee isn't happening, it's likely several hundred people (across multiple states) will be out of work. The news is so bad that the CEO told the employees in an e-mail that 'Europe' called him up asking how our government could be so stupid. The effects of DOE's decision not to guarantee the loan will be felt throughout the world. For example the price of uranium is likely to sky rocket, making atomic power costly and potentially more dangerous as countries have to look elsewhere for their uranium needs (we supply uranium to other countries).

In other news a lot of my old friends are still literally smoking their lives away. I come from a very talented class. People say I'm smart, but whatever brains I have are solely from my working my butt off. Many of my friends are naturally brillant. Things just click for them. And a lot of them are now doctors, lawyers, engineers, scientists, historians, and artists. Ours was a talented class. So it breaks my heart when I hear that even one of my friends is still heavily involved in drugs. And it's not just one, it's many. These guys peaked at highschool. And what gets me even madder is that my other friends, who see these guys all the time, never do anything about it. I ask my friend if he ever tells them to stop and he says "Naw man, I don't get involved." That's just bad friendship right there.

At one point in the night, three blondes came in who were about our age but we never saw before. The bartender got them their drinks and they went to a table. A little while later two of Chillicothe's finest came in got some drinks and sat at an adjacent table. Soon the girls started talking to the guys. They initiated the conversation. Then one of the guys walks up to the counter, shouts to the girls to ask what they want, he gets the drinks and then the two guys go and sit with the girls. And I was flabbergasted (first time I've used that word in a sentence). I couldn't figure out why those girls would talk to those two guys before talking to me and my friend. Something was more attractive about those guys than my friend and I. I asked my friend and the bartender and they both didn't have any answers.

Well that was Friday night. Tomorrow I'll introduce you to my family.