How the mind reacts to before, present, and after certain situations is an interesting phenomenon. Before any given situation, in our mind we may have an idea about how we would act. And this idea may be very strong. Then when we find ourselves in that situation we may find ourselves completely unable to act in the manner we had thought we would. And finally after the situation we may immediately go back to our prior way of thinking and wonder why it was impossible for us to act in the way we thought we’d be able to.
Part of the noteworthiness of these experiences is the afterness. Practically instantaneously after we just got through a situation we found nearly impossible to act any other way, we go back to thinking in the same scenario we would act in some other way. We just completely failed to live up to how we thought we would act, and automatically think next time is going to be better. And when next time arrives, we find ourselves once again doing exactly what we did last time and not being any closer to acting how we originally thought we would. How we manage to trick ourselves into this line of thought is fascinating.
A good example is sin. Presently I am happy with my sister and love her very much. Because of that if a situation arose where she was aggravating me, I say that my love for her would easily keep me from lashing out and calling her names. So then she all too easily starts getting on my nerves, and all of a sudden it’s so bad I start feeling suffocated by her to the point where my body starts feeling physically in harm’s way, and out of a primal instinct for self-preservation I lash out and call her “fatty McCow butt”. Let’s say that was enough to get her to be quiet and the situation is over. Now immediately I will feel sorry for calling her “fatty McCow butt”, will apologize, and think to myself that in the future I will be more patient with her just I like did prior to calling her the name. This is insanity. If I were to be put in the same situation 5 minutes later, I’d assuredly call her names again. And while I was doing it, it would again be in my mind that behaving any other way, like with patient love, would be borderline impossible.
I didn’t really call her “fatty McCow butt”, that was an example to set up what did happen. I was at the grocery store buying some happiness in the way of new untried snacks. I find it a lot of fun trying out new products at the grocery store. And while I was doing this I saw three girls, one of which was particularly attractive. Attractive enough where I felt I should introduce myself. Now before this situation, I had in my head that of course this is how I would behave. It’s perfectly simple to go up to someone extend your hand and say “hello”. And in fact I have done this on many occasions, so there is even precedence to this line of thought.
But then I found myself in the situation. I knew in my head only a few simple phrases were needed. “Hello, I see you are having ladies night tonight, but would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me sometime.” I knew I was dressed up because of a Christmas party at work earlier today and likely was looking as good as I ever will be. I knew my basket was full, for once, of somewhat adult foods even if they were snacks. I knew that I typically run into girls I find attractive once or twice a year and this may very well be the last time for several months. I knew from several past experiences that the worst she’s likely to do is simply say no thanks and in less than 10 seconds the ordeal would be over and I would be in the same position I was 10 seconds before so I had nothing to lose. And yet, I simply could not bring myself to go up and talk to her. I kept making excuses on top of dealing with the nerves which were kicking in. And so I found myself walking up and down the store trying to build confidence and then I simply ran out of time. So I was a coward, didn’t ask her out, and here I am typing away. And as soon as the situation became apparent that I would not ask her out, I immediately went back to thinking that if I find myself in a similar situation that of course I would ask her out. And not only that, I would build on my lessons from this time around and do it to not be a coward, and for all those various reasons I just said above. That I would keep all these things in mind and not only do it, but do it with calm ease. And here’s the thing. Asking one girl out from a bunch is probably the best way to get a yes because even if she wanted to say no, if she is single her girl friends would probably force her to say yes.
Just watch, in a year from now I’ll be linking back to this post as a reference.
Part of the noteworthiness of these experiences is the afterness. Practically instantaneously after we just got through a situation we found nearly impossible to act any other way, we go back to thinking in the same scenario we would act in some other way. We just completely failed to live up to how we thought we would act, and automatically think next time is going to be better. And when next time arrives, we find ourselves once again doing exactly what we did last time and not being any closer to acting how we originally thought we would. How we manage to trick ourselves into this line of thought is fascinating.
A good example is sin. Presently I am happy with my sister and love her very much. Because of that if a situation arose where she was aggravating me, I say that my love for her would easily keep me from lashing out and calling her names. So then she all too easily starts getting on my nerves, and all of a sudden it’s so bad I start feeling suffocated by her to the point where my body starts feeling physically in harm’s way, and out of a primal instinct for self-preservation I lash out and call her “fatty McCow butt”. Let’s say that was enough to get her to be quiet and the situation is over. Now immediately I will feel sorry for calling her “fatty McCow butt”, will apologize, and think to myself that in the future I will be more patient with her just I like did prior to calling her the name. This is insanity. If I were to be put in the same situation 5 minutes later, I’d assuredly call her names again. And while I was doing it, it would again be in my mind that behaving any other way, like with patient love, would be borderline impossible.
I didn’t really call her “fatty McCow butt”, that was an example to set up what did happen. I was at the grocery store buying some happiness in the way of new untried snacks. I find it a lot of fun trying out new products at the grocery store. And while I was doing this I saw three girls, one of which was particularly attractive. Attractive enough where I felt I should introduce myself. Now before this situation, I had in my head that of course this is how I would behave. It’s perfectly simple to go up to someone extend your hand and say “hello”. And in fact I have done this on many occasions, so there is even precedence to this line of thought.
But then I found myself in the situation. I knew in my head only a few simple phrases were needed. “Hello, I see you are having ladies night tonight, but would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me sometime.” I knew I was dressed up because of a Christmas party at work earlier today and likely was looking as good as I ever will be. I knew my basket was full, for once, of somewhat adult foods even if they were snacks. I knew that I typically run into girls I find attractive once or twice a year and this may very well be the last time for several months. I knew from several past experiences that the worst she’s likely to do is simply say no thanks and in less than 10 seconds the ordeal would be over and I would be in the same position I was 10 seconds before so I had nothing to lose. And yet, I simply could not bring myself to go up and talk to her. I kept making excuses on top of dealing with the nerves which were kicking in. And so I found myself walking up and down the store trying to build confidence and then I simply ran out of time. So I was a coward, didn’t ask her out, and here I am typing away. And as soon as the situation became apparent that I would not ask her out, I immediately went back to thinking that if I find myself in a similar situation that of course I would ask her out. And not only that, I would build on my lessons from this time around and do it to not be a coward, and for all those various reasons I just said above. That I would keep all these things in mind and not only do it, but do it with calm ease. And here’s the thing. Asking one girl out from a bunch is probably the best way to get a yes because even if she wanted to say no, if she is single her girl friends would probably force her to say yes.
Just watch, in a year from now I’ll be linking back to this post as a reference.
1 comments:
Honestly, I think you just need a better opening line. I appreciate the boldness of just walking up to her and asking her out. But maybe start a conversation about something on the shelves? Not a long drawn out thing, just something to ease the transition to asking her out immediately.
I'm in Chillicothe until Dec. 27 - hope we get to catch up!
WAM
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